Friday, March 28, 2014

Wallowing in Self-Awareness

I know a lot about myself.  I'm pretty self-aware.  Why I'm behaving the way I am.  Why I'm struggling.  I get that my reality is different now, that the roles I have always filled are no longer available to me. I realize that it's up to me to make the changes necessary to create a new path for myself.

So what's stopping me?

What gets in the way of doing what I always said I'd do if I had the time?

I have the time.

I'm not doing shit.

Yes, I'm cooking, taking care of family stuff, doing some volunteering, some working, some networking. But the big stuff?  Not happening.  

Fear of failure?  Fear of success?  Fear of fill-in-the-blank  I just seem stuck.

For two years I've been writing and posting twice a week like clockwork.  I haven't written anything for almost two months.  

To remedy that particular hurdle (one of many in my life at present) I've joined a writing group.  And they have been incredibly supportive and helpful to me.  Their feedback?  Rework my writing into a book.


Seems a tall order.  Especially since I'm stuck.

But I'm gonna try.  

Which means less blog-writing.  More focus on telling a fuller story that flows.

So less wallowing in self-awareness  and more  more being self-aware.


  1. Yay!!
    Love you and miss you--

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. I was wondering where you were!!!

  4. That's a great idea, Melanie. When I was in a writer's group, it was the happiest and most productive working time of my life. Not that I ever tried to publish anything after one glowing hand-written rejection note from The New Yorker! I so agree with what you are saying -- and although heaven knows you are SO much more self-aware and creative than most of us, I am hearing from many of my friends who are retired from their careers that now they don't know what to do with their time. And they were dreaming of this day! I have one word of advice: Do what I did: become a real estate agent -- a newbie in a field overcrowded with experts who have been doing this for 30 years already by now -- and you too can work hard, use your brain, and largely not get paid for it!! xxx

    1. oh that makes me feel for you...and a hand-written rejection shows you have promise! i know i need to find my way....thanks for the shout-out!