It's weird because I've never lived with a housewife. My mom was never solely a housewife. My whole life she worked outside the home and in addition kept the household (with our help). Like her I cook — but unlike her, I've never been a housekeeper and I'll never be a good housekeeper because I hate cleaning house.
I LOVE a clean house, but I don't want to be the one doing it.
Just like salad — love eating it, hate making it.
Housewife. Seems that's the only identity I have these days.
Not working in a regular job. No identity there.
Not a 24/7 mom anymore. Of course my kids love me, still need me at times, but they're almost 25 and functioning pretty damn well on their own. As my friend Lynnie says, I'm a mother, but I'm not mothering.
Since my mom died almost nine years ago, no longer a daughter and not a sister or a sister-in-law. With my sister and sister-in-law both gone (estranged from my only other sibling and his wife), even my sister identity no longer exists.
So I spend my days food shopping and cooking. I cook because in my family background, food is love. Pea & lentil soup speckled with bits of smoked ham hocks and ground coriander. A meaty Bolognese sauce loaded with minced onions, carrots, basil, oregano, and heavy cream. A North African-inspired chicken with chickpeas and spinach — what Rachel Ray would call a "stoup" — a cross between a stew and a soup — fragrant with ginger, garlic, saffron, cumin, and allspice.
None of it tastes like anything to me.
If I could cook like you do, I would claim THAT as my identity! Want to "hire out" for some meals? We would love to have some of that delicious food and neither of us LIKES to cook. I realize you have many other talents and are frustrated not to be able to be using them productively, but would it give you pleasure to share your cooking with appreciative friends??
ReplyDeleteHappy to cook a meal for you BA...just place your order!
DeleteSo here you are, giving all this love that you have, symbolically through food -- and you can't taste it….
ReplyDeleteHmmm….
Is it all those losses? All that "whipping up fabulous food" -- and for what?
Just perking the meaning of all this……
I wish I knew the meaning...I think the losses are catching up with me.
DeleteOh, Denise! It all tastes (and smells!) to me like long winter evenings made cozy by the warmth of dear friendships! And this despite the miles in between, the chill of the digital, and the fact that I'm vegan! (I know you'd have a separate pot of peas and lentils simmering for me even though it doesn't make sense to you to leave out the ham hocks...and that's who I know you are, that caring and creative light that illuminates any situation to which you turn your attention.) Love, WK
ReplyDeleteThank you WK for your loving support and yes, I would adapt and make a vegan meal that one would hope would be tasty!
DeleteHey here is a big hug from me. I too am getting (finally) through recent losses and starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And the train isn't gonna hit me! Keep your chin up girl. Love, T - Canada
ReplyDeleteThank you Therese...those hugs matter! I'm sorry you've been through a dark time but pleased you seem to be on the other side of it...I hope to be there one of these days too. I appreciate your friendship...
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