I can't imagine how many people are are probably using that title or thinking about their lives in terms of this virus that has captured the attention of the world by wreaking upon us a global crisis.
It troubles me that even this, this which is devastating populations and disrupting life the way we knew it, still hasn't mobilized the world, the country to work together.
I always have these big ideas that don't go anywhere because I'm not in charge. I have long thought that our government should have had the forethought to establish regional coalitions of public and private entities who were organized to respond to natural and human-made disasters. Partnerships that detailed what would be done by whom and how in concert with one another. Then when disaster strikes, as it will and does, we would be prepared and working together.
I heard that Belgium shut down its restaurants and bars but the Netherlands did not, so people just crossed the border to have their beer and party. And the virus followed.
Honestly, I'm not sure what day I started keeping to myself and limiting my contact with others. I remember beginning to be aware of things the week of March 9. I continued to do some things with people, perhaps more carefully, but not with distancing.
My son was the one who insistently sounded the alarm with me and his father. He kept at it and got his father to work from home a week before it became the norm. He financially stepped up to get his sister out of New York City and back home. And he stipulated she'd have to stay with him and away from us for two weeks because she'd been to Mardi Gras and NYC, both hotspots. I am so grateful to him for his persistence in getting his family members to treat this situation seriously.
Sheltering-in-place is particularly difficult when you are an extrovert, live alone, and can't recharge your battery by being with people.
This imposed isolation has taken its toll. There are days in a row that I don't shower or get dressed. My individual therapy appointment has been on the phone and gone well but I recently joined a group and therapy on Zoom is not working for me. I hope that improves.
Every day I tell myself how incredibly fortunate I am to have my little home, a stocked pantry, and the ability to turn on a faucet and get water (hot water) any time I wish. I hope I remain grateful for all that I do have.
Not being a gardener, I don't have that outdoor thing to sink in to and my knees are problematic, so I'm not able to bike or walk sufficiently. The knee replacement surgery that took a year to get scheduled is not happening April 20th. Even though it has yet to be cancelled, I can't imagine wanting to be in any hospital right now and how or whom would be willing to come take care of me for the six-eight weeks I'd need help.
There are so many things I could be doing: every closet and drawer need to be cleaned out, there's a shed out back that could use reorganizing, my silverware and jewelry need polishing, my jewelry is a whole n'other story and easily could take a day. But motivation is lacking.
My coping mechanism is cooking. I cook and then have too much food that I pack up and give away — at a distance. My kids, ex, and friends are the beneficiaries and that gives me some pleasure.
I struggle to make a schedule, set some goals, focus on anything. Without a routine, time is floating. I've always been a night owl so my usual bedtime of 1-2 am has shifted even later. Right now it's 3:09 am and I'm wide awake.
TV is my friend. It always has been and now I just silently pray that DirectTV and the internet keep working.
Maybe I'll be able to get back to writing on a regular basis, the way I did when I started this blog eight years ago — when I was still married, still working, and posting twice a week religiously. Perhaps this will again become an outlet for me, a way of communicating with others I know and many I don't. I just looked at my blog stats and saw that last month there were 743 page views in Sweden! Hello out there in Scandinavia! That motivated me.
Tonight I attended a 70th birthday party via Zoom. The birthday girl was my dear friend's sister and they'd expected to be celebrating together in Barcelona. Instead of Spain, 14 people from six or seven states sang, toasted, spoke over one another, had technical difficulties, and were all amazed that technology allowed for such a virtual gathering.
We're going to get through this. We're going to struggle. We're going to need support. I hope reaching out helps.
Stay well...
