tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75388993937934585842024-03-15T14:48:18.260-04:00Tales From Denise JamesA series of creative non-fiction pieces written over time, reflecting on the episodes of my life. If you're new to my blog,
start at the beginning with the first post..."Tales From Denise James" December 2011Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger263125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-49924703782408540492024-01-26T00:11:00.000-05:002024-01-26T00:11:18.572-05:00Reflection<p><span style="font-family: arial;">Recently I had the chance to spend time with two high-school (50 years ago) classmates. It was great to reminisce, question, uncover, reveal, different bits and pieces of our shared history. With one friend, our association then was completely in passing---a hello-goodbye relationship </span><span style="font-family: arial;">(as I recall)</span><span style="font-family: arial;">. The other was someone who was in my life, a sister cheerleader. Hers was an absolute </span><i style="font-family: arial;">Father Knows Best</i><span style="font-family: arial;"> family, unlike anything I knew (save for TV). And I was lucky enough, </span><span style="font-family: arial;">also, </span><span style="font-family: arial;">to work for her father. A real job, cleaning his office and o</span><span style="font-family: arial;">nce a week,</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> in addition to a paycheck, I had access to a real father and that was a gift to me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">It struck me that they shared/remembered/had many more memories than I did. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Had we not participated in the same sphere of events? OR had I not <i>felt</i> those experiences because I was working so hard to appear "normal." </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">For me, life was far from normal.</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-51962998413335176972021-03-13T20:51:00.002-05:002021-03-13T21:28:36.882-05:00The Power of This Pandemic-Part One<p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">Recently when the alarm went off, instead of hitting Snooze I must've hit Off. I didn't get up until 10:00 am. No water fitness for me today. Another day of telling myself to do something. The sun was shining and I thought about getting outside, maybe get on my bike and ride around the American Legion parking lot and see how my knees managed it. That would get me some exercise.</span></p><p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">I got my coffee and started to think about the day and all the things I hoped to accomplish. I had cereal for breakfast with blueberries. I hadn't had cereal in forever because I stopped keeping milk in the house</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">it just went bad</span>. </p><p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">I tried to be productive on email: deleted all of the new junk, answered what I needed to, took a survey or two, and then focused on some “work” emails.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">Let me define work ... I am the co-trustee of my friend’s trust and as such, I'm charged with finding nonprofits that are in keeping with my dear friend Ann's love of all things early childhood. It's a wonderful gift to be able to give, but it does take effort, research, due diligence, and lots of inquisitory calls and Zooms to find the right mix and right match that will maximize her gift to help others. There's no shortage of good causes but my challenge is to build a bridge between good causes that enabled the sum to be greater than the parts.</span></p><p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">I've been telling myself that I would write a post about this pandemic by the end of the original toilet paper stash</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span> that frenzied race to find/buy/stock up on toilet paper and believe me I did. But that last roll came and went weeks ago (and it wasn't the good stuff from Costco...it was an 8-pack from Dollar Tree) and still I didn't write. </p><p>Then I set a new deadline and told myself I'd post by the anniversary, well, <i>my</i> anniversary of when life changed in ways I could scarcely imagine. March 13, 2020 was the last time I went out, with a friend, in a car, exploring a new-to-us small town with a little historical site or two. No masks, no distance, no hesitation to eat in a crowded restaurant<span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span>but we did wonder. We did voice out loud, "Should we even be doing this?" How little we knew what was ahead.</p><p>Today is the 13th and still, I'm struggling to write anything. </p><p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">A</span>ctually that's not true. I've been writing all the time about pandemic life<span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span>but only in my head. So many thoughts about the changes crowded in daily that I was now subdividing the thoughts: How Covid affected me cognitively, physically, socially, emotionally. I even added categories on the impact creatively, operationally. And then there were just the odds and ends that either didn't fit a category or spanned over all of them.</p><p>Here's one of those odds and ends umbrella-impacts on my life since pandemic: NO motivation. Motivation is gone. </p><p>I see what needs to be done, think about what needs to be done, write down what needs to be done<span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span>but I don't do it. Since early December my kitchen has been cluttered with the bins containing my winter clothes. Open plastic bins with the clothes spilling out onto the floor, the remnants of my picking through to find something I wanted to wear. That wardrobe chaos stayed for months until just a week or two ago. Is that normal? I may not be a housekeeper but when I moved into this house I had every thing in place, hung on the walls, and organized within two weeks of move-in. This year I could not get those winter clothes put away. </p><p>In my bedroom I look up and see some spider webs on the ceiling and attached to some framed art hanging high. I think about getting the broom and swatting them down. But I never seem to do it.</p><p>I have these tiny, little things suspended from the drapery rod in my living room . When I look at this display, I see the two spaces where the metal birdcages with fake birds should be hanging amidst all the others. But I just look at that display and tell myself I'll do it the next day. But I don't.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNpIs_ekb_LlFnVG7E_9LlD3-svA6uCyyOBiZ75nDwVe-rqrvqRUaUm1GbVBUOL9CsnJHl5n71SjFCvnCyCgHdHPofNAEX0pyvXSSYFfpSHV7Gc10QQlsLePuH2QwqUQVy8gdwUJFKgpgZ/s2048/IMG_2619.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNpIs_ekb_LlFnVG7E_9LlD3-svA6uCyyOBiZ75nDwVe-rqrvqRUaUm1GbVBUOL9CsnJHl5n71SjFCvnCyCgHdHPofNAEX0pyvXSSYFfpSHV7Gc10QQlsLePuH2QwqUQVy8gdwUJFKgpgZ/w640-h480/IMG_2619.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><p></p><p>I don't want you to think I'm wallowing here. Many days are peppered with Zooms for enjoyment, connection, and edification. The lectures and museum visits are the times I can actually get something done, like folding the three loads of laundry that have piled up over two weeks; emptying and reloading the dishwasher, and actually washing those pots and pans piled high in both sinks. I manage to keep up with the foundational things but it sure takes me longer. </p><p>When I'm really dragging around, I opt out of the fundamental basic stuff<span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: Puritan; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span>taking a shower, brushing my teeth, getting dressed. Just going outside can be more than I can manage some days. I'm still food shopping, thrift-store shopping, and going to the Y to exercise in the pool. Yes, but normal seems out of reach. </p><p>I have been twice vaccinated and still haven't changed my living habits much...I know I'm not alone in this but l hope I haven't allowed my shrunken-down life to become my only way to live. </p><p>The clock is ticking on March 13, 2021. The year has left its mark. I'm going to write more about the impact of this pandemic but for now I'm going to make that self-imposed deadline.</p><p>And, I did swat those cobwebs away and I did hang one of those birdcages...lower left...I managed to motivate.</p><p>Things are looking up.</p><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqpKII3Q9yBmU8RMOoxlYvWA5bltrlGd6YLQuvlWZbYHgIi9k6zSle1PoynykUi0ikqhbM_WD3F-lphabta7gWszR5e6hQOHZrz-lojb2NJ2cnLH9r3h34skVn9fCQPBN6dIiAVEVthCmb/s2048/IMG_2620.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqpKII3Q9yBmU8RMOoxlYvWA5bltrlGd6YLQuvlWZbYHgIi9k6zSle1PoynykUi0ikqhbM_WD3F-lphabta7gWszR5e6hQOHZrz-lojb2NJ2cnLH9r3h34skVn9fCQPBN6dIiAVEVthCmb/w640-h480/IMG_2620.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8dRAODC0FWVduP7Q3yG0MUlpCL9PXkEB3FWNkhizgPTcVwNKoDDFuDIWeQTJb39xoxYHFdKFiFyuk1HxLVmPrR5mH0zHKGwRYrcZOf_tgW5m2ysz6TALQyMzRatau3vvwnF6kmm8g4WYi/s2048/IMG_2621.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8dRAODC0FWVduP7Q3yG0MUlpCL9PXkEB3FWNkhizgPTcVwNKoDDFuDIWeQTJb39xoxYHFdKFiFyuk1HxLVmPrR5mH0zHKGwRYrcZOf_tgW5m2ysz6TALQyMzRatau3vvwnF6kmm8g4WYi/w480-h640/IMG_2621.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-15195748385782533462021-02-28T17:14:00.000-05:002021-02-28T17:14:18.272-05:00The Mosaic Headboard<div class="separator"><div class="separator" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Ever since I don't know when, I've saved every piece of broken pottery, every chipped dish, every earring missing its mate, every bracelet no longer wearable due to its stretched out elastic. </span></p><span style="font-family: arial;">Packed away in paper bags and boxed up, stored in the basement, garage or attic, I always thought I would do something with those broken pieces. Though no artist, and certainly not the artistic type, I had visions of creating a backsplash for my kitchen of all those beautiful fragments of things I loved but no longer had.</span><p><span style="font-family: arial;">This thought stayed with me for years. I wondered how I could do it, what mortar or grout would I use? I imagined I should make this backsplash on plywood so if ever I moved, the backsplash could come with me. But I never got the project off the ground and two decades later I did move and I moved all that broken stuff with me. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">In my new home there was barely a backsplash and I was renting, so that option wouldn't work. I considered making a table but soon realized that was impractical...I had no room for another table and it would be <i>very</i> heavy. I tucked the mosaic project way in the back of my mind and there it stayed.</span></p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZTp6Us08KSPrO0v-WPNQckLuNm-6zj30L5AZ_OiruggVoes-Hf0wVVf5uArnB69vVhiENIbSAEEQJmZwbD6jesEL4CtrPgPWVOC3E6nJtO_92Rh57FNhrLw5VlaVZMIz9zOvLp3Hk5T3r/s2048/DABCC7E1-EE6C-4D26-978F-A9AA19AA06BC.jpeg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZTp6Us08KSPrO0v-WPNQckLuNm-6zj30L5AZ_OiruggVoes-Hf0wVVf5uArnB69vVhiENIbSAEEQJmZwbD6jesEL4CtrPgPWVOC3E6nJtO_92Rh57FNhrLw5VlaVZMIz9zOvLp3Hk5T3r/w300-h400/DABCC7E1-EE6C-4D26-978F-A9AA19AA06BC.jpeg" width="300" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;">A set of plastic placemats<br /></span><span style="font-family: helvetica;">were doing headboard duty.</span></div></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;">Then, I was scheduled to have knee replacement surgery and knew that recovery would be a long haul and wasn't that a good time to tackle this project? So in earnest, I revisited the mosaic project.</span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Suddenly, it came to me</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">a headboard. Why not make a mosaic headboard? I had a platform bed and no headboard. I had the room for it and how hard could that be? It seemed pretty straightforward and so, measurements in hand, I began to look for a headboard. Easily found online, at about $100 (plus shipping) I knew that was not what I was willing to pay. Perhaps $20-30, but not more. Regularly I searched in all my favorite thrift stores. The headboards with legs</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">which I thought would be easiest</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">proved </span><span style="font-family: arial;">problematic due to the fit and the difficulty in attaching it to either the wall or the platform.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">I looked and I looked and I looked without finding. Thrift store after thrift store. All my favorite places I thought would provide what I was looking for, but no. When I'd almost given up, I found something that seemed pretty perfect. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieAPmkvXJnp5dh2Ch-oa5R9g7BfkdczP7JNrbtcyDqi_Zz9hw_O_lm82PiZj1jCpfaP097VRAZ-knJgfs8Ii86bmlTfgHmilpqEEOvbAoy1_UZT12ZNO6yVqfjlqagB9YnCqxsppyMVMjZ/s2048/D503DB57-749C-4C0E-9162-555AB00DAE43.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieAPmkvXJnp5dh2Ch-oa5R9g7BfkdczP7JNrbtcyDqi_Zz9hw_O_lm82PiZj1jCpfaP097VRAZ-knJgfs8Ii86bmlTfgHmilpqEEOvbAoy1_UZT12ZNO6yVqfjlqagB9YnCqxsppyMVMjZ/w300-h400/D503DB57-749C-4C0E-9162-555AB00DAE43.jpeg" width="300" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />A simple panel that was brown</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333;">a good match with most of the furniture in the room</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333;"> </span></span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: trebuchet; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: trebuchet; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: arial;">with </span></span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: arial;">some small inset detailing that would help me frame or contain the mosaic. Though it was only pressboard and had a few bashes around the edges, it seemed perfect and it was only $3! SOLD!</span></span><p></p><p><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: arial;">And then the pandemic hit.</span></span></p><p><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: arial;">What I imagined would last a week or two became a month and then more. Not only was I sequestered but slowly became completely panicked about the knee surgery. Surely this was not going to be a time to go in to a hospital and then what? Who would come tto help me? Not friends. Did I want a stream of healthcare workers in</span></span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: arial;"> my home</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: arial;">who might also be serving those with Covid? I rapidly shelved the idea of the knee and thought more about the headboard. I decided to dig in.</span></p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCk8CicoGYrKz8r6FPnayzbUP2OZJqrNR1k_3kDoNTci19guU7CagjTAA7xacNrkaQhZL6QbfIdXFq_ZuqlhceK1trplcad8F1WePrI95bZDQ-w2MkH6422kDPMqARkKqDm3GWSbCZV-sm/s2048/91FF549E-B888-4DFE-BC73-2348C6C1C6A4.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCk8CicoGYrKz8r6FPnayzbUP2OZJqrNR1k_3kDoNTci19guU7CagjTAA7xacNrkaQhZL6QbfIdXFq_ZuqlhceK1trplcad8F1WePrI95bZDQ-w2MkH6422kDPMqARkKqDm3GWSbCZV-sm/s320/91FF549E-B888-4DFE-BC73-2348C6C1C6A4.jpeg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">It required opening the dining room table to its capacity. I was primed to get prepped and started. With excited anticipation I opened the box containing all the treasures for this project...and they were utterly FILTHY! Years of being stowed in basements and attics had covered the ceramics in dust and dirt and dead bugs. UGH! I would actually have to wash it all before doing anything else. And so I did. Immersed in one sink of hot soapy </span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: arial;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">water and then rinsed in another and laid out to dry. PHEW! Now I was ready to move on!</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: arial;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">It wasn't going to be that easy.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: arial;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">I quickly realized that the broken pieces were going to have to be broken more. They weren't the size I wanted or they were curved and jagged and well, not functional for this project. So I went online and looked at YouTube and realized I was going to have to cut those pieces which would require a tile cutter and special gloves and goggles and a hammer. Good grief. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: arial;">A neighbor actually had tile cutters I could borrow. I bought the special gloves, found my hammer and a deep box I could smash things in. I felt I'd met the challenge and could move on. I separated all that pottery into like colored groupings. I began to see that this was really going to happen and now I needed the glue.</span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFlOTXzlSlYQzyeZIpHB27PWsjfR2nM2IWCbHOnBTqmVCVGF2sEqpkolLQv8dUY4A9jGJE0eQVtbyfjKFWQOhJxBs96DWTnb7V-w8iWjCkIlYCU7hVWkzCcKLM2PzV1w35j-xhSmu5xgzm/s2048/A89228D0-9A6A-4C5B-9916-8C584A02EBE4_1_201_a.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1255" data-original-width="2048" height="392" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFlOTXzlSlYQzyeZIpHB27PWsjfR2nM2IWCbHOnBTqmVCVGF2sEqpkolLQv8dUY4A9jGJE0eQVtbyfjKFWQOhJxBs96DWTnb7V-w8iWjCkIlYCU7hVWkzCcKLM2PzV1w35j-xhSmu5xgzm/w640-h392/A89228D0-9A6A-4C5B-9916-8C584A02EBE4_1_201_a.jpeg" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial; text-align: left;">This is but a fraction of what I had. Unfortunately, I didn't take a photo of the three-tiered rolling cart <br /></span><span style="font-family: arial;">that was loaded with the 25 lbs of sorted pieces in multiple color ranges for my project.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><p><span style="font-family: arial;">The glue...simple enough, right? I knew I needed clear because I wasn't sure about grouting the entire thing. In my mind's eye I didn't picture it as a fitted-together mosaic, to me the pieces were sort of floating. I knew I could decide later but I definitely needed a clear adhesive. I steeled myself, mask and gloves (it was still early in the pandemic) and I went to Home Depot. Overwhelmed by the many choices and not really able to distinguish between them, I asked for help. The sales assistant seemed less sure than I was but eventually handed me a tube of an adhesive that said it was a clear sealant. Seemed good to me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">I was ready. Everything was in place. Except for one really crucial element. How was this going to be attached to the wall? If it was going to be covered in pottery that might not work to screw it in. It was going to be heavy and I certainly didn't want it to come out of the wall and crush my skull while sleeping. And since this home was a rental, I needed to minimize damage to the wall...back to the internet to search where I found my solution: the elegant French cleat.</span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="DIY French Cleat Floating Shelves | merrypad" class="rg_i Q4LuWd" data-iml="47884" data-index="106" height="210" jsname="Q4LuWd" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQJiKkqO-cr47Z7VgqtUjMljXdpBudnnXashA&usqp=CAU" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="280" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">and what one-half of it looks like.[Those are NOT my nails.]</span></td></tr></tbody></table><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="French cleat - Coastal Enterprises" class="rg_i Q4LuWd" data-index="0" data-lt="" data-src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTZboUIoqHG6kf2jWHFtTimxnCFSHZy8ECVPQ&usqp=CAU" height="207" jsname="Q4LuWd" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTZboUIoqHG6kf2jWHFtTimxnCFSHZy8ECVPQ&usqp=CAU" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="179" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The premise of this mechanism... </span></span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;">A what? you ask? A French cleat. Used to hang heavy mirrors. A French cleat that could handle 200 lbs and could easily be attached to the wall...or so I thought. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Clearly, the cleat would have to be attached to the back of the headboard BEFORE any mosaic work could begin. To attach that cleat I'd need to measure the correct alignment, find the studs in the wall, drill it both into the wall and the back of the headboard, requiring a stud finder and a drill and ultimately, a 40-minute FaceTime consultation with my daughter's friend Brantley in Brooklyn (THANK YOU Brantley) who patiently, patiently, patiently helped me understand the French cleat (I was not realizing how to connect the two pieces) and how to get it where I needed it to be...SIGH.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1h7SR3yb1kHf-P_mpQHQcBDTKswG0Iw7E6q2uBtgXNgV5V2pAnXJXjt0VVbjZvcYYH95qHmGWdQBLlpcYYmdcCWsgWM26KfBN7FLba4vZMVZHRvrUfkx7hkhP-P0Znoloyzn4Z1M6VDD8/s2048/5CD41732-E8A0-43B4-B097-635459C03566.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1h7SR3yb1kHf-P_mpQHQcBDTKswG0Iw7E6q2uBtgXNgV5V2pAnXJXjt0VVbjZvcYYH95qHmGWdQBLlpcYYmdcCWsgWM26KfBN7FLba4vZMVZHRvrUfkx7hkhP-P0Znoloyzn4Z1M6VDD8/s320/5CD41732-E8A0-43B4-B097-635459C03566.jpeg" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">Finally. With my daughter's help, the cleat was attached to the wall and headboard. I could begin the painstaking work of arranging the pieces, breaking them, cutting them, chipping them into the shapes I wanted. Over 200 pieces painstakingly selected and placed in a pleasing way. It began to resemble what I imagined it to be. I realized the edges would need some finishing so I found the scrap of someone's unused kitchen backsplash (87 cents)that would provide varying rectangles in subtle tans and browns that would perfectly complement the headboard and fit exactly. [I later found another backsplash remnant that had bigger pieces and would make it all go much faster (see below) but these were a mathematical conundrum that my friend Susan's husband, Howard had to calculate how many of which sizes would most closely match the lengths of the sides as I couldn't cut these thick blocks to fit. Another mini-nightmare. THANK YOU Howard.]</span><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxHUiICVj96SOFBp0bYlfs2uUv-bwwiD2AYSUjIdMgH8CoXDgBF3cjQ81TQsn0CvSoyTaW2NATpFqvBmIJUZRqblIWTKlg22Rm2pBGctUHk4YyH8Y30mvqJyzreicROMWWt6L9Oe1wpVwe/s2048/D2A6D81B-5B93-4193-A539-05112A5051E7.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxHUiICVj96SOFBp0bYlfs2uUv-bwwiD2AYSUjIdMgH8CoXDgBF3cjQ81TQsn0CvSoyTaW2NATpFqvBmIJUZRqblIWTKlg22Rm2pBGctUHk4YyH8Y30mvqJyzreicROMWWt6L9Oe1wpVwe/s320/D2A6D81B-5B93-4193-A539-05112A5051E7.jpeg" /></a></div></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">So all was in place. I had the way to hang, the glue, the pieces in place (including lots of jewelry from my friend that would adorn the pottery</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">thank you </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Laura</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">!] the finishing touches for the edges. I was happy with how it all had come together. And for some reason, each time I approached that headboard to start gluing things in place, I stopped. I did not even open the adhesive to begin. I walked by it multiple times a day staring at the design and still not able to move forward. </span><span style="font-family: arial;">It sat there for months. </span><span style="font-family: arial;">It went on so long that more than one friend pressed me to figure out why I couldn't finish this thing and get it done.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Why couldn't I? I asked my therapist over Zoom.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">"Well how about you try to glue something down right now, while we're in session?" she suggested helpfully.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Wow, I thought as I moved my laptop and arranged it on the table and opened the glue and actually lifted a piece, squeezed a tab of glue and placed it on top. I was shocked at how easy it was and moved on to the next and the next and then suddenly, with absolutely no warning, I started to cry. Sob in fact, and slumped down on a dining room chair and could not stop crying.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Soothingly, my therapist (a real gem) said "What's going on? What are you feeling?" and though it took a bit it came to me with an overwhelming sadness.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">"All of these pieces, the everyday dishes, the favorite vase that broke in the move, my sister and sister-in-law's shattered things, are the broken pieces of my past, and if I glue them down, it's admitting that there's no fixing them. There's no going back. They'll never be whole again," I jerkingly sobbed.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">"Oh, but look what you're doing with those pieces of your past; you're making something beautiful of them." she wisely shared.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Deep breath.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">That revelation broke the dam and after a day or two I thought, "I'm ready now." There was just one problem: those three pieces were not stuck! You could move them and wiggle them</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">what the hell???</span></div><div><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">Turns out that the "adhesive sealant" was actually more of a clear grout and not a glue. Back to the drawing board and to the local, been-here-in-town-for-decades, hardware store where I was steered to a much smaller, way more expensive tube of a multi-grip glue. Yes, yes, yes. This one worked and piece by piece I attached over 200 pieces to that board. I did it while listening to lectures or touring art museums on Zoom. I got it done and then moved on to the edges. I knew I'd have to wait to add the crowning touches on the top after the board was hung. I called my son to come help me move this monstrousity and get the damn thing up on the wall, which he did. HOORAY!!!</span></div><div><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">It was too low.</span></div><div><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">It was level but it just didn't look its best. It needed to come up about eight inches but my son needed to go and I was drained from all this cumulative effort. We decided to revisit this another time. SIGH. Still, I could enjoy the fruits of this tortuous labor. I could admire the breadth of it and all the beautiful shards that were there. And I could try it out to see if in the night, a flung arm would get scraped or bleed from contact with all those ungrouted sharp edges EVERYWHERE. But it didn't hurt me, thank goodness. It was unconventional and you wouldn't exactly easily sit up in bed against it without proper padding but I'm not one to read in bed. I began to glue on tiny fragments from the earrings, bracelet charms, necklace beads, tie tacks and pins I had in abundance. The figurine head (another entire story of its own) fit perfectly, though I had to sit holding her for 40 minutes until I was certain she was fully in place. I still had the little ceramic Chinese astrological zodiac figures to glue on top but those could wait until we removed and replaced the board at the correct height.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBLV7XmfAgQM1YBhMLnl9oMuO00aPeIg8i59Oxlk66xekx_qgA5HFA5aiGxNVCWjVXwEnozZ_VrspCmy-NmTKfbGPZbxBim7uL5P2Xy4cq7twAMgCZCuxUSPWEdACkhk_PJPjTIm5xEt0y/s2048/655364C9-8B67-40DA-B765-A50AB197B55F.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBLV7XmfAgQM1YBhMLnl9oMuO00aPeIg8i59Oxlk66xekx_qgA5HFA5aiGxNVCWjVXwEnozZ_VrspCmy-NmTKfbGPZbxBim7uL5P2Xy4cq7twAMgCZCuxUSPWEdACkhk_PJPjTIm5xEt0y/w480-h640/655364C9-8B67-40DA-B765-A50AB197B55F.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ-H034fpaKuPSm3r4h70I8X1_y_d8uE07mXRFNi4tU_i8qF8SgcOgkdjAC2JjYhRlmTaIicCiMDD3ygWqdKtCWEGQSQSyq1E56vMEcZ85Qy_a24JqDcgOyIhhr9ijOfkYaKUDhdmBFCmN/s2048/09719604-8E04-4048-AAD3-934A8F360304.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ-H034fpaKuPSm3r4h70I8X1_y_d8uE07mXRFNi4tU_i8qF8SgcOgkdjAC2JjYhRlmTaIicCiMDD3ygWqdKtCWEGQSQSyq1E56vMEcZ85Qy_a24JqDcgOyIhhr9ijOfkYaKUDhdmBFCmN/w640-h480/09719604-8E04-4048-AAD3-934A8F360304.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgywwNMrZ8ENHR9O40ieoUirvQd4UcIsLdp1HrCmqb3motf1koZCSWMwCeyvwoFblPkc5yCbz2CEPBVoskN776RzMqzeWlpx-L2g7lvECmcu1n5PFZudqBEJjI7iuGv6msYd-RSekGCqCf0/s2048/F4C68A6E-74D3-46F6-9939-214D28EC5F00_1_201_a.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1031" data-original-width="2048" height="322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgywwNMrZ8ENHR9O40ieoUirvQd4UcIsLdp1HrCmqb3motf1koZCSWMwCeyvwoFblPkc5yCbz2CEPBVoskN776RzMqzeWlpx-L2g7lvECmcu1n5PFZudqBEJjI7iuGv6msYd-RSekGCqCf0/w640-h322/F4C68A6E-74D3-46F6-9939-214D28EC5F00_1_201_a.jpeg" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I'd forgotten to share that the "Lead From The Heart" and the little black heart </span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">had to be taken to a friend of my ex <br />to cut with a tile cutter that spun in water</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold; text-align: left;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold; text-align: left;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold; text-align: left;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">quite an undertaking. Thank you Gene!</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">It was done. Rehung at the proper height, eventually with the tiny Chinese zodiac animals adorning the top, I could finally, finally admire the fruits of my less than $20, many, many hours, and lifetime of emotions labor and investment. It was a thing of beauty and a smile emerged each time I walked into my bedroom and gazed upon all that I had done.</span><p></p><div><span style="font-family: arial;">This pandemic pushed me into this work that was completely out of my comfort zone in more ways than one but I had persevered and made something that truly gave me happiness. I could've told this more simply, spared you many of the agonizing details, but the story of this headboard had to be told in its entirety to appreciate the journey it required and represented. I hope in your time of Covid you have found a way to make something of beauty out of what's broken in your lives. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Saf4OFFvTxQ" width="320" youtube-src-id="Saf4OFFvTxQ"></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I don't know if this will work but I tried making a video showing the completed work.</span></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-55902511151901141652020-06-19T22:00:00.002-04:002021-02-27T12:49:00.261-05:00The Numbness of Quarantine<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">There is a numbing monotony to each day. I wake up and think every day is Sunday. A day that stretches out before you with nothing to fill it. I'm not a church-goer so I don't have a virtual service to occupy me</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif">though CBS Sunday Morning is <i>my</i> ritual. I used to eagerly arise before 9 to make my coffee and breakfast before sitting down to watch Charles Kuralt, then Charles Osgood, and now, Jane Pauley. I find comfort in its easy-going, informative, balanced mix of news, human-interest, and now, Covid-related stories. They present the best and the worst of us in a palatable way that early in one's day. Lately I set it to record because I don't want to wake up early. Once the 90 minutes is over, then what?</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Yes, I am structuring some of my time. I Zoom with my quartet of Random House buddies twice a week for virtually two hours a visit. It's great to see them and talk about this, that, and the other things, just as we did over 45 years ago over salad and baked chicken or tuna noodle casserole, mostly in Barbara's apartment. There we were, </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif">in our twenties, </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif">around her dining room table, sharing the ups, downs, puzzles and gifts of our lives. We're in our late 60s now and while the problems have changed, the challenges haven't. Though now short on husbands, we each have our issues: with our lives, our adult children, and this pandemic. It makes my life easier to have dear friends to commiserate with when things go wrong and cheer each other on when things go right.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Another quartet</span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">of my college friends</span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">has begun to Zoom weekly, but all four of us haven't been in close contact over the decades so it's more of a reacquaintance with one another. I'm happy we've been able to "get together" despite being in four opposite corners of the country.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">Yes, I'm taking an online class: Rodgers </span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">&</span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif"> Hammerstein</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><b><span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif"> wonderfully taught, interesting </span></b></span></span><span face="Trebuchet MS, sans-serif">and informative,</span><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><b><span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif"> and highly entertaining with clips of their wealth of songs from <i>Oklahoma</i> to <i>Carousel</i>, <i>The King </i></span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><i>&</i></span><span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif"><i> I</i>, and more...but it's just 75 minutes once a week and soon to end.</span></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333;"><b><span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif"><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">Unlike the industrious types, I have not </span></span></b></span><b style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333;"><span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif"><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">cleaned </span></span></b><span style="color: #333333;"><b><span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif"><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">a single closet. Betsy is working her way through decades of memorabilia ("I'm in the 80s now!") happy to have the uninterrupted time to devote to reorganizing, sending along, clearing out her lifetime of papers and memories. Or Laura who's been going through all her costume jewelry and that of her mother, grandmother, and Aunt Marion, to keep what's most dear and to get rid of the rest</span></span></b></span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> some of it to me to dissect and use in a project I'm working on (haha). I have no motivation to act. Doing nothing is exhausting.</span><br />
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<span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">My kitchen is strewn (for a month now) with plastic bins filled with my summer clothing, waiting for the packing up of winter to make way in the drawers and </span><span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">closet. Instead of making the shift, I just keep sifting through, pulling out what I need for the day and leaving the rest in disarray. The dryer is filled with clean clothes for a week. The dishwasher, run but not emptied, leads to the </span></b></span><b style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">pile-up of dirty </span></b><b style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">dishes and pots and pans crowding my double sinks. The only thing I <i>can</i> motivate myself to do is cook, which involves shopping for groceries and lots of prep and then more dirty cookware and utensils. Cooking the food makes me happy enough, but then I realize it's only me there to eat it. I've forgotten that my pleasure in cooking comes from the communal eating, the sharing. Yes, I do share. I pack up and </span></b><span face=""trebuchet ms", sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><b>drop off to assorted family and friends, and occasionally eat together distanced outside, but then the weather must cooperate or else it's back to my home alone.</b></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3IJHoKrW3vR9xAgt1zolyGoNYoZjY2PjIDY1vvHMEiIIeZtptKCOl44D1GtckSIyprqsGJlOe_irivR8Q9SBidHKxBYvcBFl1MqAknajXmVyzxZlLNg4D6nFrw8Quxez4_nPwE2rWDHT7/s1600/IMG_2324.JPG" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3IJHoKrW3vR9xAgt1zolyGoNYoZjY2PjIDY1vvHMEiIIeZtptKCOl44D1GtckSIyprqsGJlOe_irivR8Q9SBidHKxBYvcBFl1MqAknajXmVyzxZlLNg4D6nFrw8Quxez4_nPwE2rWDHT7/s320/IMG_2324.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span face="Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">My dear best friend, my constant partner ... the TV.</span></td></tr>
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<span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><b>As a child I was always frightened to be alone in the house. My parents worked twelve hours a day and to allay my fear, to comfort me, I had the TV on constantly. Being young I actually thought that when I turned on the television our living room was filled with company. It soothed me then, stayed with me through my single life, and once again, accompanies me now. I rely on the old stand-bys: <i>The Forsyte Saga</i>, <i>Friday Night Lights</i>, </b></span></span><b style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><i>The Americans</i>, </b><span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><b><i>Downton Abbey</i>, <i>The West Wing</i></b></span></span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> and newer ones: <i>The Great British Baking Show</i>, <i>13 Reasons Why</i>, <i>Counterpart</i></span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><b style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">because watching them brings me in contact with a family. They may not be my family, they may be a work family or a foreign family but they're families none the less and I crave </b><span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><b>being a part of some human connection. Even though it's make-believe, </b></span></span><b style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">I retreat into watching a screen more hours than I can count, the number of which </b><b style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">would</b><b style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"> surely appall you.</b><br />
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<span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">Given my age I have been forgetful but now I'm in a fog. I never know what day it is. I can't stick to any one thing. I keep meaning to do things and don't.</span></b></span><br />
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<span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">Things are opening up. There is even a thrift store open and one of my favorites is opening Tuesday but I'm very hesitant to go inside. And the thrift store I've shopped in since living here almost 30 years and volunteered in for almost eight, I just learned will never re-open. It makes sense. Given the store's layout and the nature of the largely volunteer-driven business model, it would be too difficult to refit, socially distance, increase cleaning, and still make the expenses, let alone a profit and profit is what we are in business for. Our proceeds fund $1M in medical and nursing scholarships a year. Yes, you read that correctly, one million. All because 52 years ago a group of medical wives decided to raise money and endow a scholarship fund to help those who wanted to become doctors.</span></b></span><br />
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<span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">Their endowment will live on thankfully, but I have lost yet another connection. A place where I not only shopped but ran to as a refuge. Whenever I was feeling down, alone, I'd get in my car, drive over and start marking or checking out customers for a few hours, surrounded by a bevy of women who were always welcoming and cared about me. </span></b></span><br />
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<span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"> "How was your visit with your daughter?" </span></b></span><br />
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<span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"> "What did the doctor say about the upcoming knee </span></b><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><b>replacement?" </b></span></span><br />
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<span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><b> "You marked that whole basket already? MY! You're fast!" </b></span></span><br />
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<span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><b>It was a place to go to lift my spirits, be surrounded by activity, and feel as if I were contributing something of value. I could even get a hug if I wanted. Now, that door is closed. Permanently.</b></span></span><br />
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<span face="trebuchet ms, sans-serif" style="color: #333333;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">Thankfully I have group therapy once a week and individual every other week </span></b></span><b style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">via Zoom; these sessions are keeping me sane. None answer the questions that swirl around and around in my head when I should be sleeping:</b><br />
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<b style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">"Will I ever feel safe to go about without a mask and gloves?"</b><br />
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<b style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">"Will I ever travel again, see New York?"</b><br />
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<b style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">"Will I ever spoon in bed with another human being?"</b><br />
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<b style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">I know there are no answers at this moment, but I'm just so tired of pondering the questions in isolation. </b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-15031440684416292382020-04-13T13:57:00.000-04:002020-04-13T13:57:20.693-04:00The Unexpected Benefits of Quarantine<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">being shut-in affects each of us differently</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I long for my thrift-store outings</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">and </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">there are deprivations</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">, clearly there are those whose adjustment to quarantine is less traumatic. </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For those who spent most of their day at home previously, this time is not that different. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The Homebound</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">These are people who normally work from home, who have a physical situation that keeps them within their apartment or house, or those who may even fear the outside world. They might miss the occasional venture outside, but they are coping with life that is much as they have known it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The Introverts</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">These are the people who prefer their own company to that of others. They can and do enjoy people but actually like being with themselves and feel perfectly satisfied to engage in solo activities that require no one else. Reading, writing, gardening, hiking, woodworking, painting, composing</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">all of these, and more, bring satisfaction without the need for others.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The Driven</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">These are those out-there-in-the-universe players who work hard and are constantly on the go. Academics, social bees, Type-A personalities all are used to a driving pace that has them active and committed most of every day, sometimes day and night. Now, with their calendars forcibly wiped clean there comes either a drift toward anxiety or a glide into great peace. A freedom to be at home and relish their yards or their kitchens. An expanse of time to spend with their families in a way they did not have room for before. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I suspect when this pandemic is over there will be a new normal for many. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There will be those that won't want to give up their new-found calm and ability to take pleasure in small things and more quiet pastimes. Others will argue that they were perfectly capable of doing their jobs from their living rooms and don't need to always make that long commute day-in and day-out. Many will have a greater appreciation for and understanding of connections with family and friends that will no longer want them to take a backseat to the continual demands of work.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Some will even rethink their physical place in the world. I have a few friends who can't imagine going back to their lives out in their city because they can't picture anything being "normal" again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">With Passover and Easter behind us, and now that we have our new experience with a distanced celebration of these holidays, I find myself grateful. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Despite divorce and separate households for all four of us, during this time of global crisis we have come together once again</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">to eat what I have prepared (and complained about as I overcooked the lamb!), to play charades or Jeopardy, to listen to music, and to tell jokes and stories that made us laugh</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> all at an appropriate distance</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When the quarantine is gone, I am confident and grateful that these gifts will remain.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwq_d8BkMdDY2LeoBG91CTkayFRlBjVEAxyE5zzuDXD4P0b0w1qd8WLKV46Y5d74IVIzvuJYuKEuWnmFstBYhS2-Eilgffzl1SZPh9Rk203l-HOWvBPqNCc1E-JkUl7pcKLfDP9gvwPrb6/s1600/IMG_2116.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwq_d8BkMdDY2LeoBG91CTkayFRlBjVEAxyE5zzuDXD4P0b0w1qd8WLKV46Y5d74IVIzvuJYuKEuWnmFstBYhS2-Eilgffzl1SZPh9Rk203l-HOWvBPqNCc1E-JkUl7pcKLfDP9gvwPrb6/s640/IMG_2116.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No, I did not grow these but thank my friend Nancy for this gift of beauty...</span></td></tr>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-47074362581744324432020-04-08T17:49:00.000-04:002020-04-08T17:49:19.770-04:00The End of the Cheerios<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you've read </span><a href="https://talesfromdenisejames.blogspot.com/2011/12/thrift.html" style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Thrift</span></a> <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">(and you should cause it's one of my best!)</span>, <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">you know I come from a Depression-mentality household. For all my life, I have known a well-stocked</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> well, let's be honest</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> OVER</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">stocked</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> pantry. Be it a closet or a cabinet or both, I always have a significant supply of</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> bottled, boxed, canned, or dry goods </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and am capable of feeding many, should the situation arise. If twelve people </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">unexpectedly appeared on my doorstep and I (or anyone else) couldn't feed them, it would be a black mark you could not escape. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">For the rest of your life it would be,</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><i>"Remember when so-and-so stopped over and she didn't have enough food?"</i> </i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This is how I was raised.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Ironically, I married in to a family where this was not the case. It was the very opposite. M</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">y introduction to my eventual mother-in-law was a dinner she hosted with </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">five people and on the table was a bowl with five</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">only FIVE potatoes</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and they weren't even big ones! I don't know that I ever got over that shock. It may have made me increase my stock of staples.</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9XrkRqKFDjFdsN2i4KaXIlt8bz6w0-Gdnj4ZzN__zbb7smPdONnXX6UonBdD13kIGGZr1nor2e9f1XyI8nN0IOWjabMoXSLEiHkSfdm9fc9CTNxT54N7eKfLdf8slj64zXFU-0C_cBJMz/s1600/IMG_0376.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9XrkRqKFDjFdsN2i4KaXIlt8bz6w0-Gdnj4ZzN__zbb7smPdONnXX6UonBdD13kIGGZr1nor2e9f1XyI8nN0IOWjabMoXSLEiHkSfdm9fc9CTNxT54N7eKfLdf8slj64zXFU-0C_cBJMz/s400/IMG_0376.JPG" width="300" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Today, in the time of Corona, I finished all the Cheerios.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I ALWAYS have Cheerios. They're a basic. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I buy the family size.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I mix them with one or two other cereals to dress them up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And while three other </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">cereal bags </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">still</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> remain</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">(each less than 1/3 full) to be eaten</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;">I certainly don't eat cereal every week, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">AND I don't even have any milk, it points to the greater issue. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">My stock is diminishing. I am seeing the back wall and space on my shelves for the first time. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Maybe ever.</span></span></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I know, I know. This looks like a lot. And I'm only one person. And yes, it IS a lot and </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">am </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">truly</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">grateful for the abundance I'm so fortunate to have.</span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3BHbfmEc8XQNwY8ocurMh_f3I0o0uaOWmyUm9b9QXdO5thMITToDshiwnQ4SZCWDpHpJS7DpbChyphenhyphenVwZ1EnPMro2tXU328xXJEEpJ4235ERPT6exC_EZtLpB5Ig5hWEbJkvGtZ7kKvBm6e/s1600/IMG_2200.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3BHbfmEc8XQNwY8ocurMh_f3I0o0uaOWmyUm9b9QXdO5thMITToDshiwnQ4SZCWDpHpJS7DpbChyphenhyphenVwZ1EnPMro2tXU328xXJEEpJ4235ERPT6exC_EZtLpB5Ig5hWEbJkvGtZ7kKvBm6e/s640/IMG_2200.JPG" width="480" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Still, day by day, it's shrinking.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I started to make cold sesame noodles</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> no peanut butter! </span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">And there's only angel hair pasta. [Yes, I see the box of penne rigate but that's really not an option for cold sesame noodles.]</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">Thought about whipping up some hummus</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> only one can of garbanzo beans!</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">Wanted to bake some peach-bourbon barbecued chicken thighs. Not only was there no bourbon, there were NO preserves of ANY kind.</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">I just used one of the last two cans of tuna. And they're not even the big ones.</span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><br /></span></b></span>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">GEEZ.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">All I can say is...</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>My father </b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>is turning over </b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>in his grave.</b></span></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-12815992037718462562020-04-05T23:55:00.000-04:002020-04-05T23:55:07.543-04:00Where Has All My Focus Gone?<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In this time of Corona, I lack focus. I meander through the day without any purposeful plan. I'm grateful if I have a Zoom get-together or plan a walk with a friend or organize a meal with my family</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;">all at a distance. These small things give me something to look forward to and focus on.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But what about the rest of the day? What about all the directives that say how important it is to make and stick to a routine? Why am I having trouble doing that?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm a list maker. There is nothing so satisfying as making a list and then crossing stuff off of it. And when I do something that's not on the list, I add it on and cross it off because I love the way that it looks and how it makes me feel; as if I've been accomplishing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You would think I'd be making my lists. The way I always do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But I'm not.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Lord knows there are plenty of projects to do in my house...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Clean out that closet. (ALL the closets!)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivVSHOj8qincDXOYRyJWwD5TRCL2GXCwaNv46rVS9YBwJl7Pucy3nw0SfAe_DxSsBOf-A33v55AAav_d0JnXwxmClo3SSOXW38iOTxuBJMRoo0OMLLM6fI9BsWVfwliPD5L4QIfMUFp1qQ/s1600/IMG_2495.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivVSHOj8qincDXOYRyJWwD5TRCL2GXCwaNv46rVS9YBwJl7Pucy3nw0SfAe_DxSsBOf-A33v55AAav_d0JnXwxmClo3SSOXW38iOTxuBJMRoo0OMLLM6fI9BsWVfwliPD5L4QIfMUFp1qQ/s640/IMG_2495.JPG" width="480" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzW9eCqGWGgTxxuZdaVvzf17OdXJEKIkz3SS9aIaXnmqdcWgb1k_m6_kcrkOmMVNWUMXkhKNBIZP6ENn1xR6eMUqQlEd64w9otAqqVH-vk4__1J1Bor7Zn1kmQxqW6RcZr0pnfME-iVxWh/s1600/IMG_4366.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzW9eCqGWGgTxxuZdaVvzf17OdXJEKIkz3SS9aIaXnmqdcWgb1k_m6_kcrkOmMVNWUMXkhKNBIZP6ENn1xR6eMUqQlEd64w9otAqqVH-vk4__1J1Bor7Zn1kmQxqW6RcZr0pnfME-iVxWh/s400/IMG_4366.JPG" width="300" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; text-align: start;">Straighten out ALL the jewelry.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY7HU_zmOpr8scdslazrWfKdp8-dKF7ed7nC-hYE1lE1LH52bNDVAcsiQ9xBPDdX6oH8cZr4h6HZNn4zMVfOuzc1eK3N5J0cgUtkN_9VbRXY0jtg_BBLolg_runO9-U9FWvcsxjeSdsFd6/s1600/IMG_3379.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY7HU_zmOpr8scdslazrWfKdp8-dKF7ed7nC-hYE1lE1LH52bNDVAcsiQ9xBPDdX6oH8cZr4h6HZNn4zMVfOuzc1eK3N5J0cgUtkN_9VbRXY0jtg_BBLolg_runO9-U9FWvcsxjeSdsFd6/s640/IMG_3379.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuv_KEl1cHIFIiP6BBkV00lxKSKFfApaohTUTNXyNWS_bYcq4jZsoF0VF2LdJUFXkLGFY7GF7KNsnERd7lylHtZc6ou_Cj2ns3wxVoJnW2hn9Jls4LNmbFt9qRhAfbV-gLwSnQq5_jxoiN/s1600/IMG_0753.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuv_KEl1cHIFIiP6BBkV00lxKSKFfApaohTUTNXyNWS_bYcq4jZsoF0VF2LdJUFXkLGFY7GF7KNsnERd7lylHtZc6ou_Cj2ns3wxVoJnW2hn9Jls4LNmbFt9qRhAfbV-gLwSnQq5_jxoiN/s1600/IMG_0753.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuv_KEl1cHIFIiP6BBkV00lxKSKFfApaohTUTNXyNWS_bYcq4jZsoF0VF2LdJUFXkLGFY7GF7KNsnERd7lylHtZc6ou_Cj2ns3wxVoJnW2hn9Jls4LNmbFt9qRhAfbV-gLwSnQq5_jxoiN/s640/IMG_0753.JPG" width="480" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuv_KEl1cHIFIiP6BBkV00lxKSKFfApaohTUTNXyNWS_bYcq4jZsoF0VF2LdJUFXkLGFY7GF7KNsnERd7lylHtZc6ou_Cj2ns3wxVoJnW2hn9Jls4LNmbFt9qRhAfbV-gLwSnQq5_jxoiN/s1600/IMG_0753.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Switch </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">out </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">the winter clothes and bring the spring/summer ones in.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And start that BIG project you've been thinking about. (That's another story.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; text-align: center;">But it's just not happening. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I had a productive hour a while ago. Told myself to turn off the 27th rerun of </span><i style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;">The Hunger Games: Catching Fire</i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> and I actually folded all the laundry piled up on my bed and put it all away AND made the bed for the first time in more than a week. Tonight I will not be sleeping among the clean clothes. [I just want to say those pillowcases actually match better than they appear.]</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU4Pzs8naQu4jIWETssCewwc6PNqdFd1HIr6-HixgXMLqzOgLOlq-oWNqE_boAEPU1MSk3NjKlZw99zScQU-bUtMqWi-mmJrwaTGUBxY-LTiJBSjuN-tVhl3VxCnEVvNEW0HF0JA_aF4aL/s1600/IMG_1561.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU4Pzs8naQu4jIWETssCewwc6PNqdFd1HIr6-HixgXMLqzOgLOlq-oWNqE_boAEPU1MSk3NjKlZw99zScQU-bUtMqWi-mmJrwaTGUBxY-LTiJBSjuN-tVhl3VxCnEVvNEW0HF0JA_aF4aL/s640/IMG_1561.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But my productivity doesn't last. Seems I'm not the only one.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I hear about this malaise, lack of focus, from just about everyone. And while there's clearly a minority of those who are making the most of this time at home, even able to enjoy their isolation (that's another story), for many it's a rocky, rocky road.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The readers can't read,</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> the writers can't write, and </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> the artists aren't creating.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The things that usually bring us pleasure, escape us in this time of Corona.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">To all of you who are housebound, we <i>will </i>find our focus. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And most fortunately... </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; text-align: center;">at least the gardeners are out there </span><i style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; text-align: center;">thriving</i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; text-align: center;">.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">PS All is not lost. I <i>did</i> finish the puzzle and here she be...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDWERELpr8R1euAbGnoLowFKmt0Dq6BZ1HaILa3csSFZfJ0ii36Y4cmC4lcxMYhJz58oieEh45IwP_Hp_2DqKHm9RW-QtS4TTfIb-SSctVRoJt783oGI6q5-RkfgwNNfBoHWvLtPo7yT4T/s1600/IMG_0691.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDWERELpr8R1euAbGnoLowFKmt0Dq6BZ1HaILa3csSFZfJ0ii36Y4cmC4lcxMYhJz58oieEh45IwP_Hp_2DqKHm9RW-QtS4TTfIb-SSctVRoJt783oGI6q5-RkfgwNNfBoHWvLtPo7yT4T/s640/IMG_0691.JPG" width="480" /></a></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-70719049462278957082020-04-02T01:25:00.000-04:002020-04-05T11:26:29.223-04:00Back to the Jigsaw<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I guess I'm ahead of the curve</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">CBS Sunday Morning had a feature about people dragging out their jigsaw puzzles during this time of quarantine. A</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> few days before I'd finished my first 1000-piece puzzle in a very long time. My stash is behind the couch.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">There's a rhythm with puzzles. Or at least there is for me. You find all the straight edges and get your frame. Then you find some chunk to work on that's visually unique</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">for me it was the stripes.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0vv_W9rzzfKgnv2DmbvAsSlsD0r1qEl_yPxkr2-GHmSX8Po4A6Oqs7V46YMWi6q6pd5r77ed8DqqsKXG_3yyV24yZw7EaN9bP4Z8EXH4CQL2zRFgqFmEPSC08sd-a9RKLNGP3wDT1kQ4s/s1600/cs0aMaRET424PP8Nfhpp%252Bw_thumb_55bc.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0vv_W9rzzfKgnv2DmbvAsSlsD0r1qEl_yPxkr2-GHmSX8Po4A6Oqs7V46YMWi6q6pd5r77ed8DqqsKXG_3yyV24yZw7EaN9bP4Z8EXH4CQL2zRFgqFmEPSC08sd-a9RKLNGP3wDT1kQ4s/s640/cs0aMaRET424PP8Nfhpp%252Bw_thumb_55bc.jpg" width="640" /></a></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5jRHZAzH4CZsALT2OxbfFdeMAwm24xe739IAan_QTo836TLAgcfz-TQCSSeGtbCvS4YM7RV-3K90IgjXcSl937o_176vGhgw8vni8Uauf5KigHYk4IeKWU7IQ1oPoH8gSu93xlc4hpA2a/s1600/IMG_7816.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5jRHZAzH4CZsALT2OxbfFdeMAwm24xe739IAan_QTo836TLAgcfz-TQCSSeGtbCvS4YM7RV-3K90IgjXcSl937o_176vGhgw8vni8Uauf5KigHYk4IeKWU7IQ1oPoH8gSu93xlc4hpA2a/s400/IMG_7816.jpeg" width="400" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFNWe0Io0yMkY6UkqoHMtAbrY0cy9nmOkNGcwiPScbUMgsPko8SbA9tNcxHlniGjen6Mv2Nh3H3G2e-HrHMia7fW-2Dw0wxQyvLEDV_Blc2gyTQLm1OxjALanRewHcF8g_XAubF55WaY4d/s1600/%2525TW1cRQTQb%252ButD21kksVgA_thumb_55a5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Next, things start to take shape and you get more chunks done.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Then come the hard parts, where's really tough to fill in the areas that all look the same... </span><br />
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<img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFNWe0Io0yMkY6UkqoHMtAbrY0cy9nmOkNGcwiPScbUMgsPko8SbA9tNcxHlniGjen6Mv2Nh3H3G2e-HrHMia7fW-2Dw0wxQyvLEDV_Blc2gyTQLm1OxjALanRewHcF8g_XAubF55WaY4d/s640/%2525TW1cRQTQb%252ButD21kksVgA_thumb_55a5.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But in the end, SUCCESS. You've done it. And this puzzle was a double whammy because it was like those <i>I Spy</i> books where the images were of other things...</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">90 other things, for example, </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">the slats in the chairs are Milk Bone dog biscuits and that radiator next to the fridge is comprised of stubby Number 2 pencils</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> you get the picture.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRfOlkXEgjml4BCCazr0DrmOWjRNtVbQA8VgDgpL_KhONVMPKXgE8aAtzj1hnqSXdu9YPX8t7nBXVCG464c7L1YEcEvhCV2A5gt3hgfCmc3F_ES4KBybwFsjsz9bKOgEAvS12Asx8coDDq/s1600/IMG_2777.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRfOlkXEgjml4BCCazr0DrmOWjRNtVbQA8VgDgpL_KhONVMPKXgE8aAtzj1hnqSXdu9YPX8t7nBXVCG464c7L1YEcEvhCV2A5gt3hgfCmc3F_ES4KBybwFsjsz9bKOgEAvS12Asx8coDDq/s640/IMG_2777.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSEHAhuf_oqMwgHlW6PPxK4hmCIyoTo3_5tx877ucnKR5g3H7NAMiQJm8DvrsITk47gzCO8vRFheInaKwCUFeJXbmH7hUdKaciuyaR0eMfxDWDimXC4uhSh1uZok37r7pNuI3P5sOnWeT5/s1600/IMG_5371.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSEHAhuf_oqMwgHlW6PPxK4hmCIyoTo3_5tx877ucnKR5g3H7NAMiQJm8DvrsITk47gzCO8vRFheInaKwCUFeJXbmH7hUdKaciuyaR0eMfxDWDimXC4uhSh1uZok37r7pNuI3P5sOnWeT5/s400/IMG_5371.jpg" width="400" /></a><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><b><br /></b></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><b>Our family has always done puzzles </b></span></span></span><b style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">and </b><b style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">when the kids were young we'd actually </b><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15.84000015258789px;"><b>spray adhesive the completed puzzle on </b></span></span></span><b style="color: #333333; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px;">foam core and hang them on the walls. </b><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">Virtually all of my puzzles come from thrift stores and don't cost more than $2. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">I especially appreciate the former owners who leave a post-it inside that says, "</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">Missing three pieces</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">" </span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">It is a great kindness.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">I don't let those missing pieces bother me in the least.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Some are fun and frivolous ...</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9ntqel0IDMZkl2CmhQ6ZZEyxFkzoQHmWPgRTlJceDnKYK8-VibXUKKX_mb4frOalxxvHa6CN3buvvJSneLGbDbb48mWGgXkQpQguOY_JAYaRDbHXGNPqRRndv0cbH5vtM6dNEIyKfdtGV/s1600/IMG_0005.jpg" imageanchor="1"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3Cs93KWhMm91sK3Jh4GT6ArEXzgRYgiZOVi-0oU09VibHSY001hQsqpU6PBqlf-gdKwfQ0AUAmZd6NO4midGUfrk2YBLIMv6n-cE5jcZ-2Bx4QBKmHA1jBbM-YP63-fB54GdHmaP1GKP1/s1600/IMG_0455.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3Cs93KWhMm91sK3Jh4GT6ArEXzgRYgiZOVi-0oU09VibHSY001hQsqpU6PBqlf-gdKwfQ0AUAmZd6NO4midGUfrk2YBLIMv6n-cE5jcZ-2Bx4QBKmHA1jBbM-YP63-fB54GdHmaP1GKP1/s320/IMG_0455.jpg" width="240" /></a> <img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9ntqel0IDMZkl2CmhQ6ZZEyxFkzoQHmWPgRTlJceDnKYK8-VibXUKKX_mb4frOalxxvHa6CN3buvvJSneLGbDbb48mWGgXkQpQguOY_JAYaRDbHXGNPqRRndv0cbH5vtM6dNEIyKfdtGV/s400/IMG_0005.jpg" width="400" /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-qze6yBPqaJKTzPHU519xqPdTmUnZ4z_YKC4C6X3BS81L8BnA45qZvFk_L8BUQAvMkbXHjFXJ3AjEE_i41VvbTS2dpgGtE_vtwHVM0dRY1BdLu58MDiEhMAgSmmZl0RoXnNbYmQi2mmJP/s1600/IMG_1724.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-qze6yBPqaJKTzPHU519xqPdTmUnZ4z_YKC4C6X3BS81L8BnA45qZvFk_L8BUQAvMkbXHjFXJ3AjEE_i41VvbTS2dpgGtE_vtwHVM0dRY1BdLu58MDiEhMAgSmmZl0RoXnNbYmQi2mmJP/s400/IMG_1724.jpg" width="300" /></a><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">...and others I just admire in the store and think about doing...but won't spend the money on. (Though anything by Edward Gorey is awful tempting.)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">Now I'm working on a puzzle that was a gift from my ex...and boy, is it a challenge; it's the front page of The New York Times on the day I was born.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvoWQvjuZFONFFfy_mykS1iCAhyphenhyphenspqiOrcEALoE7uAWIKjaWcSu-JNtmLfS0DS1Ho9dyejEN9cM0Ga-m7KGMCDzh31zdwYpmhmY0tFxX0kvYgnxkqg3Cq65JmZiQbvMEcuKhNxPsSFQPlK/s1600/IMG_2187.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvoWQvjuZFONFFfy_mykS1iCAhyphenhyphenspqiOrcEALoE7uAWIKjaWcSu-JNtmLfS0DS1Ho9dyejEN9cM0Ga-m7KGMCDzh31zdwYpmhmY0tFxX0kvYgnxkqg3Cq65JmZiQbvMEcuKhNxPsSFQPlK/s640/IMG_2187.JPG" width="480" /></a></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">T</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">his one's got a lot of hard parts</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">s</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">igh</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;">Good thing I've got all the time in the world to read all that teeny-tiny print...</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.84000015258789px; font-weight: bold;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGeY8h-ThKQHHL5_0vYfFLqxlEhoX3yOt1FDNJp9njIFpGAQEUENGNFPVNOYQMge-ddEZ5c-wMrCS1f7mVs_tOcz8ZeXPyBNVwardVshjP5VaLhnewFcsTXwec1axz1CZNFO8Js60cWA3e/s1600/IMG_2188.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGeY8h-ThKQHHL5_0vYfFLqxlEhoX3yOt1FDNJp9njIFpGAQEUENGNFPVNOYQMge-ddEZ5c-wMrCS1f7mVs_tOcz8ZeXPyBNVwardVshjP5VaLhnewFcsTXwec1axz1CZNFO8Js60cWA3e/s640/IMG_2188.JPG" width="480" /></a></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-20492794948170754892020-03-29T03:50:00.000-04:002020-04-05T11:26:44.917-04:00In the Time of Corona<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I can't imagine how many people are are probably using that title or thinking about their lives in terms of this virus that has captured the attention of the world by wreaking upon us a global crisis.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It troubles me that even this, this which is devastating populations and disrupting life the way we knew it, still hasn't mobilized the world, the country to work together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I always have these big ideas that don't go anywhere because I'm not in charge. I have long thought that our government should have had the forethought to establish regional coalitions of public and private entities who were organized to respond to natural and human-made disasters. Partnerships that detailed what would be done by whom and how in concert with one another. Then when disaster strikes, as it will and does, we would be prepared and working together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I heard that Belgium shut down its restaurants and bars but the Netherlands did not, so people just crossed the border to have their beer and party. And the virus followed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Honestly, I'm not sure what day I started keeping to myself and limiting my contact with others. I remember beginning to be aware of things the week of March 9. I continued to do some things with people, perhaps more carefully, but not with distancing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My son was the one who insistently sounded the alarm with me and his father. He kept at it and got his father to work from home a week before it became the norm. He financially stepped up to get his sister out of New York City and back home. And he stipulated she'd have to stay with him and away from us for two weeks because she'd been to Mardi Gras and NYC, both hotspots. I am so grateful to him for his persistence in getting his family members to treat this situation seriously.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sheltering-in-place is particularly difficult when you are an extrovert, live alone, and can't </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">recharge</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> your battery by being with people. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This imposed isolation has taken its toll. There are days in a row that I don't shower or get dressed. My individual therapy appointment has been on the phone and gone well but I recently joined a group and therapy on Zoom is not working for me. I hope that improves.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Every day I tell myself how incredibly fortunate I am to have my little home, a stocked pantry, and the ability to turn on a faucet and get water (hot water) any time I wish. I hope I remain grateful for all that I do have.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Not being a gardener, I don't have that outdoor thing to sink in to and my knees are problematic, so I'm not able to bike or walk sufficiently. The knee replacement surgery that took a year to get scheduled is not happening April 20th. Even though it has yet to be cancelled, I can't imagine wanting to be in any hospital right now and how or whom would be willing to come take care of me for the six-eight weeks I'd need help.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There are so many things I could be doing: every closet and drawer need to be cleaned out, there's a shed out back that could use reorganizing, my silverware and jewelry need polishing, my jewelry is a whole n'other story and easily could take a day. But motivation is lacking.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My coping mechanism is cooking. I cook and then have too much food that I pack up and give away</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">—</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">at a distance. My kids, ex, and friends are the beneficiaries and that gives me some pleasure.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I struggle to make a schedule, set some goals, focus on anything. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Without a routine, t</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ime is floating</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">. I've always been a night owl so my usual bedtime of 1-2 am has shifted even later. Right now it's 3:09 am and I'm wide awake. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">TV is my friend. It always has been and now I just silently pray that DirectTV and the internet keep working.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Maybe I'll be able to get back to writing on a regular basis, the way I did when I started this blog eight years ago</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">—</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> when I was still married, still working, and posting twice a week religiously. Perhaps this will again become an outlet for me, a way of communicating with others I know and many I don't. I just looked at my blog stats and saw that last month there were 743 page views in Sweden! Hello out there in Scandinavia! That motivated me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Tonight I attended a 70th birthday party via Zoom. The birthday girl was my dear friend's sister and they'd expected to be celebrating together in Barcelona. Instead of Spain, 14 people from six or seven states sang, toasted, spoke over one another, had technical difficulties, and were all amazed that technology allowed for such a virtual gathering.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We're going to get through this. We're going to struggle. We're going to need support. I hope reaching out helps.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Stay well...</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-32469018049302154052018-12-09T04:01:00.002-05:002018-12-09T04:01:59.689-05:00Getting Ready for the Snow<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's 2:11 am and I've finally finished with the snowstorm prep. It took me until 10:42 pm to get started. Oh, I'd gone out the day before to buy lemons and milk. I had plenty else but still there were things on sale and so I bought them. Ground turkey and shoulder veal chops and a large bag of kale. But at 10:42 I realized that we'd probably lose power and what did I need to cook? Cooked food would stay longer and certainly could be stored outside if it was THAT cold. So I started with the zucchini bread. The recipe would make two loaves, it would be good for breakfast or dessert and I'd have a loaf at least to give away if I ended up going to another house with a fireplace. I love my little rental house filled with all the things I love and bring me joy but alas the TWO fireplaces are boarded up (very nicely painted with contrasting trim) and it is the one material thing I miss from before.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhah9uj7wxzzWU3FTm1EWXaQ0oRQGuZbNkd_JvBMxuPJug6BJEu8e-hE7ETmaZGDJJ8VDJ5nmuEQJsMoRqleVsUwkUFl46L-TCUlL1hTqDTFPQf09iOqQ_N8iOto5YUpasV0UymAEyufpQ9/s1600/IMG_1182.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhah9uj7wxzzWU3FTm1EWXaQ0oRQGuZbNkd_JvBMxuPJug6BJEu8e-hE7ETmaZGDJJ8VDJ5nmuEQJsMoRqleVsUwkUFl46L-TCUlL1hTqDTFPQf09iOqQ_N8iOto5YUpasV0UymAEyufpQ9/s320/IMG_1182.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Once I got the zucchini bread in the oven I thought about the turkey chili and realized that I could use the extra grated zucchini in there, so I chopped the red and orange peppers that were beginning to lose their crisp, and an onion, and the ground turkey, and that shredded zucchini</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;">and that would mean that I could fill up the dishwasher once I got through cooking.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Then there was the first-time-ever </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">crock pot-</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">made Gypsy soup (using up the last of the sweet </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">potatoes my daughter failed to make at Thanksgiving) that I'd done and then pureed. I wish I'd driven it over to a friend of a friend who can only eat pureed foods. Well, I bottled that soup and thought if I washed the crockpot I could transfer the chili to it (once it was done) and then leave it on warm all night. If the power went, maybe the chili would stay warm. The fridge already had jasmine rice that would go well and there was some sour cream, shredded cheddar, and cilantro to put on top. The veal had already baked in the oven with celery and onions and tomatoes and yellow peppers, white wine, rosemary, thyme and lemon zest. That too would go well with the jasmine rice underneath and the very last of the parsley from my container garden on the porch.</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE6frCOn62elhru1ocSzha7XllUROCX_1o0xTv0WFR5ngWqcR_lzGBr5rGF3bS4epCtehodNkd_as4PTMZtBWJDw1L_sQ9CfXPudl-A3mxlf8F5fT1gJcH9Vw1ZC1ICCjwXf2fhk9UkSym/s1600/IMG_1181.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE6frCOn62elhru1ocSzha7XllUROCX_1o0xTv0WFR5ngWqcR_lzGBr5rGF3bS4epCtehodNkd_as4PTMZtBWJDw1L_sQ9CfXPudl-A3mxlf8F5fT1gJcH9Vw1ZC1ICCjwXf2fhk9UkSym/s320/IMG_1181.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRiavRnlu-RGa53Q1LWuinCecMo76XUaZAoPnMG1-EV4zyct7ZjROXsgMmSpsXBnHItQmKBmyuGri4yFdc05D-aj1EEcqhhqd3_R7NeG5Zo0wUHTLxNhW6I9nZ3eb_eTJyDbkZ3hk3Jnyw/s1600/IMG_1183.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRiavRnlu-RGa53Q1LWuinCecMo76XUaZAoPnMG1-EV4zyct7ZjROXsgMmSpsXBnHItQmKBmyuGri4yFdc05D-aj1EEcqhhqd3_R7NeG5Zo0wUHTLxNhW6I9nZ3eb_eTJyDbkZ3hk3Jnyw/s320/IMG_1183.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiIZOagfyZQD9I1YnsPNpqXYxr9HYXYuCGEVNDnHs7E3SLiWIxdIVYvBiXYcOgslj71lqNlTECATE50iUj5UvdevW-lr0eDN5R2NYU2m9z2YPUYX4slZu2PtU2VXE_8MQb0amvKMoJ7oRE/s1600/IMG_1178.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiIZOagfyZQD9I1YnsPNpqXYxr9HYXYuCGEVNDnHs7E3SLiWIxdIVYvBiXYcOgslj71lqNlTECATE50iUj5UvdevW-lr0eDN5R2NYU2m9z2YPUYX4slZu2PtU2VXE_8MQb0amvKMoJ7oRE/s400/IMG_1178.JPG" width="400" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There was a sink full of pots and </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">pans and the crock pot and the loaf pans but finally, finally, it was all done. When </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I took</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">the recyclables and garbage outside, the first dusting of snow was covering the cars and the ground. It's not supposed to stop for 48 hours.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's now 3:28 am and I still haven't put the flannel sheets on my bed but at least the food prep is done. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Old habits die hard...</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm still cooking for a family of four! Still I was motivated: I got this post written and struggled with formatting the photos. Something I haven't done in almost 18 months. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Thanks to my ex, the artificial tree is out of the shed loft and assembled where it needs to reside in the living room. I added more lights and started to decorate the house but there's lots to do once tomorrow comes...well, actually it already came.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0SdukIq0yeAVZxTVP7bbikLan1c1QXw5Z-B9pibo5JgRS6W1w1r3OOPMLAdcqyUPRk35CuXwzWpXZuhxLtvMqxzlKnDdORnjUPKUnXZHZlQqobmgLjyn2xMMMgM4-qvNnxXq0dGgSOODz/s1600/IMG_1186.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0SdukIq0yeAVZxTVP7bbikLan1c1QXw5Z-B9pibo5JgRS6W1w1r3OOPMLAdcqyUPRk35CuXwzWpXZuhxLtvMqxzlKnDdORnjUPKUnXZHZlQqobmgLjyn2xMMMgM4-qvNnxXq0dGgSOODz/s400/IMG_1186.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRgMqs81epOZHqQiHh8zNMIVyMzqW5I33uWHKSC9WSe7dH9wWniXwqDHwRrR-GSLIWJCvgQRtTOR2UEHAhvq5gf4oHs99jguxjDezTFv5yUuZD63RBkv5QHdd7NLrCn5FtPC5Zs_nFMJiM/s1600/IMG_1184.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRgMqs81epOZHqQiHh8zNMIVyMzqW5I33uWHKSC9WSe7dH9wWniXwqDHwRrR-GSLIWJCvgQRtTOR2UEHAhvq5gf4oHs99jguxjDezTFv5yUuZD63RBkv5QHdd7NLrCn5FtPC5Zs_nFMJiM/s400/IMG_1184.JPG" width="300" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">3:44. I've put the eyedrops in and think it's time to shut down. With all this prep, let's hope I can sleep. I'm hoping to get back my writing groove</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">hopefully this was the start</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;">. In the meantime, wishing you and yours the happiest of holidays and</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">— </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">flannel sheets or not,</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;">stay warm!!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-18141404292129325382017-07-24T00:24:00.003-04:002017-07-27T01:15:14.928-04:00Headed Toward Normal<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjImfUA_BWB71PAXAhKSaIxD1D5IX-FxuFRBPmJbOMPXD0YlAIvXtCAXvq7yemEV4ebkbiyrLCjPxklItOHNMU1E9FLhoY4uC68RA9zgXhurNVepujrrY2QiE6vsN0z5Jsih-I0g2WQh03h/s1600/54f0d5dc4a058_-_plum-tomato-tart-recipe-lg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjImfUA_BWB71PAXAhKSaIxD1D5IX-FxuFRBPmJbOMPXD0YlAIvXtCAXvq7yemEV4ebkbiyrLCjPxklItOHNMU1E9FLhoY4uC68RA9zgXhurNVepujrrY2QiE6vsN0z5Jsih-I0g2WQh03h/s1600/54f0d5dc4a058_-_plum-tomato-tart-recipe-lg.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">from countryliving.com</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It was 11:07 PM when I first walked into the kitchen. I
finally stop watching TV (though Sunday night is filled with TV favorites) and
got up to DO something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t as if
I hadn’t done anything all day; it had been a productive day on many
fronts</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I’d made a chicken and broccoli salad that I took to a friend’s to lunch and help reorganize kitchen cabinets</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">a fun job for me and helpful to
her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I’d gone to help the once-husband unpack a carload of our
daughter’s stuff that he’d just helped pack and drove to his house to unload
and store; and I’d decided to see (via email) if it was possible to arrange a weekend
reunion with some college friends in a city where none of us lived.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I had my lists of to-dos (getting ready to leave town for my
nephew’s wedding) and among the many items was making a tomato tart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had tomatoes
freshly picked from a friend’s neighbor and now there was a possibility my friend and her family might come for dinner and I didn’t have any idea of what I would make. But the tomato tart would come in handy. I needed to get up and make it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">While I was slicing the onions and sautéing them (with olive oil and the lemon
thyme I’d just cut from my little garden) I started thinking about a question
someone asked someone else in my presence:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“When were you the happiest?”</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">That was some question. It wasn’t a question I’d ever
thought about answering.. And while I was trying to think of my answer to that
question, surprisingly the answer just popped up</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> “Now.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">That was surprising. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were so many happy-s in my life:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Happy when I met my husband; happy when we got married; happy when I had
my kids; happy at so many times but (and this was “but” big) all those times I was happy,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was also saddled with stress and/or
worry. A</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">lways. My other twins: stress and worry.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">All of those happy occasions in my past were times when I
was in control, managing a lot, taking care of a lot</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">people and things. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I was orchestrating my life and theirs.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">No one asked me or demanded I do it.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It was my mission.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It was what I thought was my lot in life and
I was pretty good at it but it wasn’t great for my relationships and it wasn’t
ever carefree.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Now most of my day, my every day, is spent only on taking
care of me.. It’s a pretty easy job! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
the most part I feel happy and content.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
may have times when I wish I weren’t alone and times when I wish I had a
partner to do things with</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">things like listening to music, dancing, or trying
out a new recipe on. And I’d like to be
working some, but that hasn’t worked out yet but still</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">for the most part, life
is good and I’m not worried! </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I just
signed a new lease (Has it been a year already?), my physical issues are behind
me at the moment and I don’t have much stress.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I’ve never lived this way before. Living this way now is
really a gift; and whatever it cost to get this gift, well, I guess right now
I’m feeling the payoff. It was 11:30 at night and I was doing exactly what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. That is my life these days. Amazingly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It’s been two long years of real transition but right now</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I think I’m starting to edge into the phase of what might become my new normal.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I’ll keep you posted. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-19906662689887607222017-07-13T07:06:00.000-04:002017-07-13T07:06:14.971-04:00Dear American Airlines<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Dear American Airlines,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLzSk91k_Ja75XFKgT1HhTm8ZwIO5GmD3A9UbkgpeDSHQpvuIWErv5xBbnOd6D3RW2ySUhMNjANH94Lj2Ede5CbscGx37Z83qQ0F2JZNU9FQk0YIaN0OU4jU65JY5E1IXFSIHrTzRMqHFy/s1600/Embraer+RJ-175.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLzSk91k_Ja75XFKgT1HhTm8ZwIO5GmD3A9UbkgpeDSHQpvuIWErv5xBbnOd6D3RW2ySUhMNjANH94Lj2Ede5CbscGx37Z83qQ0F2JZNU9FQk0YIaN0OU4jU65JY5E1IXFSIHrTzRMqHFy/s400/Embraer+RJ-175.jpg" width="400" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have been flying American Airlines since I was in college
(40+ years ago!) and have always been a fan but never more than a recent trip I
took (with my American Advantage miles!) from RDU to (get ready) Martha’s
Vineyard by way of DCA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had received
an unexpected and lovely invitation to visit the Vineyard for a few days and
then decided to see an old college friend living outside Boston before heading
back home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was amazed that I could do
the trip with my carefully saved miles and could actually fly in to Martha’s
Vineyard (saving me the bus and ferry fares to get there). I was thrilled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The day of travel June 25, there were weather issues
elsewhere (loads of rainstorms) and at RDU we were waiting and waiting for our
plane to arrive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began to get nervous
knowing that my connection in DC was a tight one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to stay positive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Our plane arrived around the time we were due to take off
but still, it was only a forty-minute flight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I stayed optimistic (not my natural state of affairs).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept telling flight attendants I had a
tight connection; could they be sure I had the wheelchair assist at the
gate?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Between two bad knees (getting
shots in July, fingers crossed) and more recently a “collapsed” left foot, a
wheelchair saved me pain and further damage to an already-not-great ankle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We landed at 1:38 pm (about 30 minutes later than expected)
but I was relieved, “I’ll make the plane with a scramble,” I thought as the
flight to MVY wasn’t due to depart until 2:17.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Still, it was going to be tight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then we
didn’t have a gate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or we had a gate but
the gate was changed. Or we had a gate but then it was cancelled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another four minutes before we could head for
our gate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then another plane was
assigned to that gate ahead of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
clock kept running, the minutes were slipping away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2:01pm. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reluctantly thought, “I need to find out
when’s the next flight,” and saw there was NO next flight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hmmm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
looked on the next day, Monday, thinking I might have to stay in Washington DC
overnight and take the first flight in the morning but no matter how I
searched, NO MATCHES to be found.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Bummer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized
maybe American didn’t fly to Martha’s Vineyard during the week…now what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked a flight attendant was anyone else on
board headed for that connection?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“They’ll never hold the flight for one
person,” I said to her mournfully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
almost in tears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So close and yet so
far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t sure what was possible to
do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the options were
time-consuming and too expensive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Finally, we headed for a gate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d already texted my host that there was no
way I’d make it there that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>UGH.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all started to line up to
exit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got my overhead bag out and
braced myself trying not to be too upset and then, and THEN the first-class flight
attendant at the door said, “Martha’s Vineyard com’ON, they're holding the plane
for you!” and my eyes widened and my face lit up and the passengers ahead of me
stepped aside while I scooted to the door where the wheelchair and a gate agent
were awaiting me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things happened so
quickly I never got anyone’s name I just started thanking people as we flew
toward gate 34.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“I can’t believe they’re holding the plane…you don’t have
another flight today and I couldn’t find one tomorrow…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“That’s why!” this lovely gate agent said to me, “Don’t
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through the door onto the jet bridge and was wheeled down the ramp and quickly
made my way onto the plane (with the next two flight attendants welcoming me
aboard and congratulating me on making it) I just felt so lucky and so grateful
and so thankful that someone, MORE than one someone at American Airlines
decided to go out of their way and make my day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thank you for such terrific service!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxDTrARt9HmjqIzm-Cgtm4qdSP21IzFeAijTKAWPPo6x2IkdWk8Kwk2rtp7bZmAUv5Bt2ge7_pU5AIoS9mhphzkv5dnOvwvo5RRvc49GvUvzCOcKF27QYE_4VAaM6D07gw6OE3tiB8-07s/s1600/IMG_0119.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxDTrARt9HmjqIzm-Cgtm4qdSP21IzFeAijTKAWPPo6x2IkdWk8Kwk2rtp7bZmAUv5Bt2ge7_pU5AIoS9mhphzkv5dnOvwvo5RRvc49GvUvzCOcKF27QYE_4VAaM6D07gw6OE3tiB8-07s/s640/IMG_0119.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Taken from my window, happily making the flight to my vacation!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-55508658734856991742017-03-26T02:38:00.000-04:002017-03-26T02:38:02.668-04:00What Will It Take To Make Me Happy?<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My therapist asked me this question the other day: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">"What will it take to make you happy?"</span></b></i></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It was a good question. It's been two years since I made the decision to leave my marriage and left. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've been back and forth to the house </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">physically</span><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">over those two years</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">but not to the marriage. Tough. Up and down. Still sad. And uncertain about what my "new normal" looks like</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">but over all, across many aspects, I'm living happier and feeling so much better. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Now I'm spending my time, energy and finances </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">(</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">for the most part) </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">on myself</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> a new experience. Totally new. My truth is that most of my life</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> I made </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">myself somewhat indispensable (or at least valuable)</span><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">by</span><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">taking care of things for others. By doing that</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><b style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;"> </b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I got the attention I needed; the attention that wasn't available at home. Good behavior got me attention </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;">(since second grade)</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">. But that automatic-robo focus on the external (</span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;">It's-all-his-fault</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">) and lack of focus on my internal (</span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;">What's my part in this?</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">) in part created the unhappiness I found myself living in. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">From young adulthood on, my d</span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ri</span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ven, commanding (ever-worried) behavior</span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> got me great jobs, made me great friends, paid our way</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"> </span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">(partially) </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">through life (along with my <i>persistent</i> frugality). But it wasn't all beneficial. Not for me or my relationships. I trusted next to nothing. If I wasn't hyper-vigilant, something bad was going to happen. And a married a guy who virtually never worried (way before I came along) and thought about it even less after we married because mastermind-me was always on the job. It was a vicious cycle.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We're both free of that now. It's a better, easier, happier life</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">but it came at a price. And now, moving forward means leaving behind the only male partner I've had for 36 years. It doesn't come easy! Hard to turn off the motor in my mind that still looks for the </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">clothes I think he needs (in thrift stores, of course) or still wants to pass along info I think he could use, or still thinks about feeding him the leftovers I know he'd enjoy having. But that coupled life is no longer my reality. My reality is grieving the loss of the marriage and grieving the loss of couple-dom, and I need to sit with that. Something I don't find easy to do.</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My daughter is going through a break-up and she's decided to write about it, which is SO healthy. And it reminded me how I've shirked writing about my own transition. From where I sit, it seems too hard to categorize or define or even know what my life is day to day. How to write about <i>that</i>? </span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What's on the table for me right now is so uncertain, so nebulous, that I scarce wanna write about it</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">but writing about it is what helps. At least for me. And I'd guess for our daughter, too. [FYI, that was just a place of transition for me, choosing to write "our" instead of "my" daughter.] Anyway, none of this territory is known to me. </span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I make choices every day and only as they benefit <i><b>me</b></i>. I don't really need to consider anyone else</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">or if I do, it's because I CHOOSE to. It's such a relief</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> s</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">uch a gift to just focus on</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> what I want and </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">not <i>need</i> to take anything else into consideration</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">. Amazingly freeing.</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And yet I've had two health scares recently (urgent care/ER) and at least one will require surgery pretty immediately and being on your own makes you feel really vulnerable. All the progress you've made on feeling strong and being able to exist solo, fritters away when you're in the ER and someone is asking, "Emergency contact?"</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's hard to write about this stuff, this transition. It's always shifting to me. But writing about it </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">(along with time spent in therapy)</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">forces me to examine it and that helps me learn from it. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've examined a lot in my life and in real depth</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">but not examined <i><b>myself</b></i>. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I haven't been in help-myself mode in, well, forever. At least that's how it feels. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's a frightening business</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">b</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ut it's a must.</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieHfofABI-AmzV4wVkqgl2h12_G0TPDymRHiPWKw-GHiaDWYTpKUd0FlYeo6CzfLqu6jfYvt070ZBBnVT8T0h9UAVWocWF7sd6pqRE8YeEeeH-44vmKvmk_R9nvkH2U9ylGJN9E7OxidDG/s1600/sun+smile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieHfofABI-AmzV4wVkqgl2h12_G0TPDymRHiPWKw-GHiaDWYTpKUd0FlYeo6CzfLqu6jfYvt070ZBBnVT8T0h9UAVWocWF7sd6pqRE8YeEeeH-44vmKvmk_R9nvkH2U9ylGJN9E7OxidDG/s1600/sun+smile.jpg" /></a><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">One of these days,</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'll </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">get into a writing routine again; </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">find some "new normal", but it's not right now. </span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Bear with me</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> it may take time, but</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm gonna figure out how to truly </span><i style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;">make myself happy</i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">.</span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-55631045204484133512017-03-15T11:40:00.000-04:002017-03-15T12:04:47.464-04:00Dear President Trump<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>This is my postcard on this Ides of Trump...</i></span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Dear President Trump,</span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY1F6JfBCD3_A-sFDzvEdkUSoeRmxQGPxBkEkIkdClYr7sRIgF9fd2GNfQgp_7doT5oZlIx2pb1mxLwuPGygdHEuYNIPGC0rp9cLLkshuV0xEvh553s0lUSGOgSfPf8lDR4DQswDa8tXXO/s1600/postcard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY1F6JfBCD3_A-sFDzvEdkUSoeRmxQGPxBkEkIkdClYr7sRIgF9fd2GNfQgp_7doT5oZlIx2pb1mxLwuPGygdHEuYNIPGC0rp9cLLkshuV0xEvh553s0lUSGOgSfPf8lDR4DQswDa8tXXO/s400/postcard.jpg" width="400" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">First let me say, I did not vote for you. Being from the Northeast I certainly knew of you, may have respected your business acumen in real estate, certainly gave nod to your ability to stay pretty near the top of some game as the decades passed; acknowledged that you're a Survivor. You're a contestant who eventually becomes the host of the show. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Your congressional speech was aspirational; as those speeches are. And yes, it didn't offer any details on how you would pay for your vision of what you want <i>your</i> Presidency to achieve, but neither do any of those speeches. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And while I realize it was only words, I was glad to see that you could restrain your tendencies. At least once.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As a former teacher and an always-educator, my message to you is I'd like to remind you that you are the role model for millions of individuals who look up to and hold their President in esteem. You and your words, actions, and behaviors, impact millions</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">especially those citizens who aren't yet voters</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">our young people.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I say this because many, many years back, when I was giving a workshop on academic integrity with the eighth-grade class at a private, elite academy, one of the students justified his choice of actions by saying, "Well if the President can lie, why can't I?" I was dumbfounded. Not just at what this student said and believed, but at the fact that not one other adult in the room chose to tackle the ethical issues raised by that response. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I bring this story up because it was in reference to then-President Clinton. Despite the fact that I am in disbelief at much of what you are doing, that is your right to do. This is a democracy, flaws and all; it is what we've got, what has worked, what is often envied, and what people fight for. Democracy will work its way through this the way it always has. It lies in the words and actions of our elected officials and the populace. While I'm waiting for democracy to work, I can't abide by the lack of standard you are setting for our children. Nor can I understand how those who support you can overlook the crassness and the lack of decency in your daily behavior.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Almost immediately after the inauguration of the Trump presidency, in two very different settings (one on an airplane and the other in a college campus paper) I heard examples of young people behaving in ways I found disturbing. One was a reference to a student overhearing a few other students openly talking in a racist way while</span><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;">walking across their college campus</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">. The other way was a college professor headed back to his campus in another state, recounting that all of a sudden some students were balking at the partners they were being teamed with, etc. To me that was appalling. And like it or not, you, the President, gave them license to behave that way.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">President Trump, here's what I'd ask: Isn't there a way for you to fulfill your new role, do the work you want to do but do it in a more positive, character-building way because it's what's best for all our children? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm not asking you to stop tweeting, but does every day have to be a day that you disparage someone or some group? Does every day have to be a day that you spout untruths? Why not do your job without doing that? I know it's not how you're used to behaving, but you're not in the real estate business NOW (well, at least you shouldn't be).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's in no one else's control; what you say and do sets a standard for a portion of our populace. I understand the focus on a bottom-line business approach and attention to more efficiency because we've gotten very top-heavy and incredibly sluggish about how our government runs. I'm all in favor of improving THAT. But I deplore </span><b style="font-family: '"trebuchet ms"', sans-serif;"><i>how you are governing</i></b><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;">. I rail at your</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> lack of discipline and your choice to be uncivil and unwelcoming to those who most need the protection of the Presidency. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I expect my President to be truthful and compassionate and just</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">that is what I wish and want and hope for, because it is what everyone who loves America deserves. Other postcards will say much more, but today I'm focusing on the thing I believe you CAN change.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">President Trump, we can disagree on just about everything else but can't we agree that all our children deserve to feel safe from the fear of being uprooted from their families? Can't we agree that every student deserves to feel safe from harm, be it verbal or physical? Can't we agree that making America great is making it strong AND kind AND inclusive?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I can.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I hope you can.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-85962773746264617042017-01-07T23:08:00.001-05:002017-01-07T23:08:06.463-05:00This Is Us...Really<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmlZhEMcdD63Ce8d9AJJ04NWmcWqM-gBtgHtKy8GAQV2Dyc-mWHj80mAXt4E26Hy-nxakU66sWIN-ObtiadagRobjohbOPsLh9aF4eVC8u2kD1Ryp_dLebSr3eCJhyphenhyphenkHHw-X4AHvUInucb/s1600/NBC-This-Is-Us-AltAboutImage-1920x1080-KO.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmlZhEMcdD63Ce8d9AJJ04NWmcWqM-gBtgHtKy8GAQV2Dyc-mWHj80mAXt4E26Hy-nxakU66sWIN-ObtiadagRobjohbOPsLh9aF4eVC8u2kD1Ryp_dLebSr3eCJhyphenhyphenkHHw-X4AHvUInucb/s320/NBC-This-Is-Us-AltAboutImage-1920x1080-KO.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">USA is showing a <b><a href="http://www.nbc.com/this-is-us?nbc=1" target="_blank">THIS IS U</a>S</b> marathon and I find myself re-watching and feeling even more than I felt seeing this show the first time. It's got everything you've seen or wished for in a family</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> a </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Dad who's a dreamer but shows love; </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">a reluctant mom who clearly does her best but is flawed. There's sibling rivalry, not fitting in, </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">weight,</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">cancer, success, fame, dying, regret, family</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">relationships.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I know people don't understand my deep connection to watching TV. Television is a source for me. Of company, of information, of sentiment, and vicarious emotion. When I'm feeling lonely, disconnected, sad, depressed, I find something to watch that will fix that for me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It seems frivolous I know. But there are so many pluses for me watching TV: It's right here and it's here all the time; I've already paid for it; and between satellite and Netflix and Showtime and HBO, I can usually find something that will give me what I'm seeking. I don't have to risk that I'll seek something and it won't be gotten.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My friend Susan believes it's better to ask</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">even if you don't get what you're asking for</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">than not to ask at all. I don't feel that way. Yet. It's too disappointing and too hurtful and too </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">well</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">just "too".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But I understand that when you don't ask, you definitely have no chance of getting.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">struggle (well, one of them anyway) is to let go of the outcome. That's what a therapist tells me. Let Go of the Outcome. Let go of resentment and regret. Let go of expectations. Let it all go. I'm trying.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I understand the concept and it makes sense to me, but it's one of those easier said than done. But I'm trying. And at times, I'm succeeding. So far my best success</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;"> I think</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;"> has been with some of my friends and my daughter. Still a ways to go with the son and the once-husband.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">So <a href="http://www.nbc.com/this-is-us?nbc=1" target="_blank"><b>This Is Us</b></a> allows me to see a family</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">across time</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">struggling and loving and hurting and supporting in ways that virtually never existed in my family. I get to watch how they do it and I get to momentarily feel the bonds of being with a family. I hope we managed to live that give-and-take for our kids so that they'll have a better sense of what it means to be in a relationship, to have a family.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">That voyeuristic view of family life (whether it's real or not) allows me to experience what I currently lack in my life</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">Right now, luckily, I'm really pretty happy.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">I love my little home. It's filled with everything I absolutely love, arranged just as I like, only used by me and for the first time in I do not know how long (if ever) I'm <i>neat</i>. Everything is in its place. I'm no longer sloppy but I'm also not racing and juggling to manage and provide for a family of four. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">It is just me.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">What a change. I'm continually surprised by what <i>can</i> change. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: trebuchet ms;"><span style="background-color: white;">I had an open house on New Year's Day. Twenty-six people came, it was wonderful, my daughter was there and saw my new place for the first time, and for the first time EVER, I didn't kill myself to have company!</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: trebuchet ms;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: trebuchet ms;"><span style="background-color: white;">I didn't have to stress about cleaning up days before everyone came because pretty much everything was already clean. I didn't go overboard on getting drinks or food and I almost cooked NOTHING. I had a great time, I was relaxed and I didn't pay for it in a horrible way. HOORAY!</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">I miss having a fireplace and of course the </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: trebuchet ms;">companionship of someone next to me, but all in all, I'm enjoying my life at the moment and I feel secure.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">So while I may be watching This Is Us</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> —</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">finally, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">joyfully, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">amazingly</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">I'm much more intently watching</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 16px;">This Is Me.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-61308048402879130202017-01-01T10:37:00.002-05:002017-01-04T20:17:16.634-05:00My 2017 Resolutions<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A curious thing has been happening lately</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am getting to know who I am. This sounds odd I realize, but without all the work of caretaking and caregiving</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">of every person I lived with, worked with, gave birth to, or crossed paths with</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am finally taking care of one person only</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ME.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And I realize I don't really know myself because I have always shrugged off what people told me about me. I assumed that everyone was just like me but I find that's not true. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Recently I learned that most people I've asked say that when they stand up for themselves, when they assert themselves, they feel vulnerable. I don't. I don't know why I don't feel vulnerable but I don't. I pretty much always say what I think and what I feel. Yes, at times it gets me in trouble, causes me difficulty, gains me admiration, but it doesn't elicit any sense of vulnerability and yet, I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable to show what's inside. I am perplexed at this.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">People tell me I'm a good writer. I usually think that most people can write well and that the individual is just being nice to me. Now I'm starting to take that feedback in and allow myself to see that this is a talent that I can and should identify with.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So in the spirit of writing my truths, and discovering who I REALLY am, here are m</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">y New Year's Resolutions:</span><br />
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<ul><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS1KJRW-M8Wn8ff9cb5HkbmFkYwtU2TNRL1bTpXXXJaENpBNB_JS_iqoEJxTwX87ClXMsVlBfW1Lqyj-bCdu0usEtNiDsZOvGP2uHOCi_G12mzBLQxgXPJ673-aGK898GSvN-c1tZHtYKR/s1600/IMG_5361.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS1KJRW-M8Wn8ff9cb5HkbmFkYwtU2TNRL1bTpXXXJaENpBNB_JS_iqoEJxTwX87ClXMsVlBfW1Lqyj-bCdu0usEtNiDsZOvGP2uHOCi_G12mzBLQxgXPJ673-aGK898GSvN-c1tZHtYKR/s320/IMG_5361.jpg" width="320" /></a>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">'m going to finally use all those beautiful soaps that people have given me or I have gotten over the years</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">because I was "saving them ." [Recently I was given a lovely set of four bars from my dear "</span><a href="http://talesfromdenisejames.blogspot.com/2015/06/the-amazing-kindness-of-strangers.html" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;" target="_blank">rescued-and-took-me-home-from-a Broadway-play</a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> friend. Here's what I did with them.]</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm going to realize that if I want my scalp stimulated, I'm going to have to brush my own hair for pleasure<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span>and other things too.</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm gonna try my best to continue living what Oprah might call, my "authentic" life. I don't really know what she exactly says about that (because she's said and written so much) but it seems pretty self-evident. My interpretation? That I'm trying to focus on looking inward and then looking outward to understand how what I say and do impacts others. At times, it's the exact opposite of my intention! I'm often blind-sided by how something I've said makes the other person feel.</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm going to continue "letting go and allowing the current to take me," as my hometown dear friend wrote me. I hadn't thought of it that way, but my college buddy said much the same thing to me when she said, "Let it just evolve. You don't need to have a plan." I needed that because I've been letting it concern me that I don't have a plan; that I don't know what "my new normal" is.</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm going to continue to be responsible but also enjoy things. This is the very first time in my life that I have a financial </span><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;">cushion. (And it feels fabulous!!!)</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm going to work toward having a true adult relationship with my children who are really not children but young adults (but will always be "my children"). And I'm going to keep on navigating my </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">relationship with their father because despite the split, we are still a family.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm going to get back into a routine of writing here regularly. Not the twice a week regularity I had for almost three years, but commit to SOME routine. </span></li>
</ul>
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<ul><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl04FR3IvTwOIlHHZtJrqZM5hbLqd0u6rEXF9WRxBdYkK5gbHuioeakP-ujZ-Ne2-VJcKlp6xjZtRThfap8jWnFURhjtstujEuJnKdQzWwBmitYbHdy7jF4yKLTG-OykiF6pwLTsPKCHxR/s1600/IMG_5360.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl04FR3IvTwOIlHHZtJrqZM5hbLqd0u6rEXF9WRxBdYkK5gbHuioeakP-ujZ-Ne2-VJcKlp6xjZtRThfap8jWnFURhjtstujEuJnKdQzWwBmitYbHdy7jF4yKLTG-OykiF6pwLTsPKCHxR/s320/IMG_5360.jpg" width="240" /></a>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm going to dance more! This gives me great pleasure and<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span>now that my son gave me a Libratone Zipp<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span>it's something I can do at home. <br />
In fact I can dance any time, anywhere. (I can be seen dancing at a Manhattan bus stop or in my car on line to get gas at Costco...)</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And finally, I'm going to be more grateful (every day) for ALL that I have<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span>most especially for all the love and support and guidance I have gotten from my dear, dear friends and from all of you.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">For the first time in forever, I think these are New Year's resolutions I can keep.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Health and happiness to you and yours in 2017...</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-48104067702060199912016-11-10T00:10:00.004-05:002016-11-10T12:06:59.734-05:00Trying To Make Sense of What Makes No Sense<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">All day I have been trying, trying, trying to absorb the outcome of the election. I feel utterly dumbfounded. Despondent. Disturbed. And I'm not the only one.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.hillaryclinton.com/">www.hillaryclinton.com</a></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">True, I wasn't a huge fan of Hillary's; never have been. But I totally believed she was the most experienced, competent person to do the job. I was certainly voting for her because the other choice was no choice. And while I didn't give her any money (I have an abhorrence of the amount of money spent on political campaigning and refuse to contribute to it), I <i>did</i> register voters twice, and spent multiple, multiple hours phone banking for the full Democratic ticket and more volunteers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I wasn't sure my state would go for Hillary but I hoped. I knew it would be a race, and maybe even a very close one, but I never, NEVER imagined that she would lose.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hillary Rodham Clinton who had been in public life for thirty years; who had fought for the rights of children and women; who had been First Lady of Arkansas, then First Lady of the United States; a New York Senator, a Presidential candidate, and the Secretary of State during the Obama Administration. Some resume...and yet. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And yet, in her second bid for the Presidency, surprisingly, she was in a serious battle with a New York businessman who had a mercurial, successful, wealthy, flamboyant, headline subject, reality-TV personality, global brand resume. A man who was never a public servant, never an employee of the people, never governed anything, never had to by adhere to a stringent set of laws and rules,let alone and manage warring factions who all were constituencies and audiences to be pleased, not walked out on or fired. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I didn't take Donald Trump's candidacy seriously at first. I thought he was in it for the hype and the circus. That any publicity was good publicity and it would certainly energize his perhaps fading celebrity-brand after fifteen seasons on the air. I thought he would get wiped out by someone and if not someone, well then, Jeb Bush would certainly swipe him off the face of the ticket. But it didn't happen.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">No matter how outlandish, how outrageous, how offensive, how untruthful, Mr. Trump just kept gaining in popularity. This told us something. It told us that people were really looking for someone truly different and they cared more about different than the social norms of present-day politics. Yes, it was true that Hillary came with baggage, lots of it</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">between her style which many interpreted as aloof and secretive and domineering; her husband (a full set of luggage on his own); her past with Whitewater, and her present</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">complete with personal server and emails. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But what about Trump? What about his issues with supposed-billions and bankruptcies and no tax returns and being smart about paying no federal taxes and stories of womanizing, and his derogatory statements about women and people of color and people of other countries and people with challenges? No matter his lack of substance when it came to coherent policy or lack of experience with governing or international diplomacy, or his war-mongering, often times mocking stance, on this country. Lets overlook his frequent lack of appropriate language (in open and closed settings) or his repetitive triumvirate </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">of meaningless words:</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> "disaster </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">rigged </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">HUGE</span>." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I really never understood how he managed to continue being the face of the Republican Party's nominee for the highest office in the land. Here is my first mistake. That should have told us something big. He just kept knocking out or pushing past some fairly substantial figures in the race...one after another the promising newcomers and the seasoned legacies of the Party's</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> representatives fell by the wayside and Donald Trump endured.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Still, I did not think that he could beat out Hillary Rodham Clinton. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Another </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">mistake.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Next there's the issue of how many people really dislike her. I really did not feel great about the way she seemed in public. Yes she had the facts, she had the right arguments, she had the views I believed in, but I often thought she seemed smug or condescending. I knew that wasn't what those close to her felt but it was what I received almost every time I saw her speak. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Not her concession speech. In fact that speech was the most authentic I'd ever seen her. She was composed and caring and conciliatory in a warm, honest way but she also held firm to what she had lost, what she felt and why it was critically important to not see her defeat as DEFEAT. Even if she wasn't to be at the helm (horribly disappointingly to many millions of voters and to her family, her staff and her SELF) still we were obliged to carry the mantle, continue to be the voice and the presence and the power of the values we shared despite this stunning setback.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I think underneath all the stuff: the Comey "indictment" of a batch of emails on someone else's laptop (and what a someone), the fact that she's an insider-insider; I still believe that it definitely hurt that she's female. Now I'm not saying she lost because of sexism, but in part</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I think she did. I saw a statistic that said 67% of white, male, non-college educated males voted for Trump and I thought, "Well there's a group that sure wants to support women being equal..."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">After turning off the TV at 1:37am (because I couldn't stand watching the inevitable at that point), I fell asleep hoping that it would all look different in the morning. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It didn't and I was astonished by the depth of my physical reaction (my ulcer which had been dormant for decades decided to make itself known), the depression I felt and my complete inability to comprehend this new reality. As Hillary said, </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>"Donald Trump is going to be our President."</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm going to try to wrap my head around that one. To face the fact that after another 80 days or so, after Barack Obama, despite my disbelief, President-Elect Donald Trump will be the Commander-in-Chief. Could anyone have beat him? Not Bernie Sanders. My friend says perhaps Joe Biden who himself is a bit of a loose cannon, but a reasonable, measured one. I don't think so because he too is a career politician.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<b style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Donald Trump is going to be our President. </span></b><b style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: center;"> </b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I can only hope that the sheer magnitude of the job awes Trump in a way that tones his everything down, humbles him into realizing that some responsibilities deserve thoughtful, civil, collaborative consideration. Of course he'll always be who he is</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">brash and a maverick</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">but perhaps he can focus and do what he does best, build things.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Infrastructure is a great place to start. The nation needs it, the parties agree on it, it will put people to work, it will boost the economy, and make monies flow while making everyone safer. Let that be the legacy of the Trump Presidency</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">that he orchestrated a second WPA that stabilized the financial situation of a working public and produced a more secure set of roads, bridges, and tunnels. Let them build these structures and build our economy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Just as long as they're not building a wall.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">AFP/GettyImages http://www.dailymail.co.uk</span></td></tr>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-75464252226444583472016-09-12T22:23:00.000-04:002016-09-16T09:41:41.320-04:00Moving On<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's been six months to the day since I last wrote. Six straight months of sorting, reliving, moving, discarding, earmarking, revisiting, and preparing for the sale of the stuff and for the sale of the house we've had as our home for the past 23 years.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Physically, it's been daunting. The amount of things that have gone from house to basement or attic or separate rentals or storage units has been exhausting. At my age my knees are hurting, my feet are too, and at night, my hip bones ache. It has all been done in the sweltering heat of an unusually hot southern summer.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Logistically, it has been the challenge of shifting things from here to there, truckloads, carloads, and still</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">there is always more. I call it the fishes and the loaves. You think you're done but you open another door, another closet, another hidden recess, and find there are still items to deal with, to decide, to divest.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggyTg7RVVsQ6KY3_RX3s3gO7OdmcjMdNUKXHpxJF0HdfXDFfZsGSZ_zJutDA0bbhFpWTXteOYVe-MghCuq1LXPB0H1OI4Ot8MJN-JtcBgs7l7SnIPDFTXRhQfMSPhJTStS0TUdTTLecHQQ/s1600/IMG_5080.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggyTg7RVVsQ6KY3_RX3s3gO7OdmcjMdNUKXHpxJF0HdfXDFfZsGSZ_zJutDA0bbhFpWTXteOYVe-MghCuq1LXPB0H1OI4Ot8MJN-JtcBgs7l7SnIPDFTXRhQfMSPhJTStS0TUdTTLecHQQ/s640/IMG_5080.JPG" width="480" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Emotionally, it is what you might imagine. An endless confrontation of the memories of every moment you have lived. I found an album where I had placed every engagement and wedding card we received. There was a box with each and every gift card and greeting card from the time I was pregnant through their second birthday. I had no idea that there were specific cards made that said</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> "Congratulations! You're Expecting Twins!" I had about twelve each of the three designs that were made. I had no memory of such cards. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The cards represented all the well wishes, all the outpouring of love</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">from those we knew and those we didn't. Gifts from people's mothers I'd never met. Hand-knit teeny-tiny white baby booties from Jean-Louis' mom in Paris. Matching hooded sweaters trimmed in blue and pink with pom-pom ties from Susan's co-worker's mom in Nebraska or North Dakota. Ceramic plates with cherubic babies hand-painted by</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Aunt Doris on my father's side, </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">with their names and weights and birthdates. Loving expressions of joy at our great gift of healthy boy-girl twins.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Box after box after bin after bag of photos capturing the moments of our 36 years together</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">the vacations, the birthdays, the holidays, the milestones</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">all smiling and hugging and picturing happiness. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What do you do with the thousands of images that you've stockpiled before things were digital? The wedding photos, the engagement, bridal and baby showers? What do you keep? I, who always had walls and stairwells hung with framed photographs of family. I don't want them staring me in the face. Looking at me with eyes that question the close of that life lived.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Others are selling off the art, pottery, jewelry, household goods and knickknacks of my past. I've kept quite a bit but moving into a house that's one-third the space forces you to be selective and I have been. Let us hope that my former treasures find places in someone else's home and that they will bring pleasure to others as they once did to me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I feel relief that it's almost at the end of a long passage. The six-month road of dismantling what once was. I feel a sense of lightness and ease at no longer being weighed down by so much. And even better, I love my new home.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It is a tremendous gift to love where one lives </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px;">t</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">o feel a sense of comfort and real happiness</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">to walk in the door and smile at the things you see. I feel that here. I settled in very quickly, probably because I've felt "homeless" for the past twenty months. My nest is made and I am cocooning at the moment. When I open my eyes in the morning I see a half wall filled floor-to-ceiling with sixteen pieces of art that I adore. Lauren's framed wedding invitation with its silvery tree. The blue castle from college-friend Peggy. The framed Folon poster all signed on the back from my Random House buddies celebrating my first real apartment in Manhattan. The lovers kissing "In a Sentimental Mood" by Havlicek from </span><b style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;"><a href="http://talesfromdenisejames.blogspot.com/2013/11/return-to-sender.html" target="_blank">Shirley Sender</a></b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">. The tiny painted grove of trees by Norman Kaplanoff bought in the basement of a Ukrainian church on the lower East side for 50¢ (unframed). </span><br />
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Two more tree etchings, one from my daughter, bought in Florence (bottom) and one from my son that we picked out together one Christmas.
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Various representation of and from New York: the Flatiron Building, the Chrysler Building, the Brooklyn Bridge... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and </span>the lovely print of swimming goldfish that I bought on the street outside the Museum of Modern Art from a Chinese artist named Zhyoo (and I have never been able to track down).<br />
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The gorgeous watercolor of the Colorado mountains painted by Lynnie's sister Joannie Shapiro and...</div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"Shadow of the child I used to be" by m. ensign johnson.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am a shadow of the person I used to be. Empty of virtually all my former identities...no longer a daughter, sister, not a wife, not a couple, not a co-worker, not a teacher, and not a mother in the way I was for 20+ years. Emptying me of the marriage, the house, the possessions and feeling hollow is hard but I'm beginning to feel the openness — in being able to start again and figure out just want I want to fill inside. What I want. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">What <u>I</u> want. Not what is expected. Not what I think I should be, need to be, have to be. Just what I want. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I don't know what I want, but it's nice to begin imagining.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Wish me luck.</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-87388439047585501752016-03-12T00:25:00.000-05:002016-03-13T22:06:04.415-04:00Doodling for Direction<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">For a long, long time, all my doodles were arrows coming and going, up and down, sideways, never getting anywhere. Pointing, reaching, looking for direction. I often felt boxed in by those arrows. Trapped in no direction. In elementary school, in high school, in college, in every job I've ever had</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px;">I</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> was always worried about where I would end up.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Now I'm sixty-three and where have I ended up?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Back at the beginning.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">After a working career of 40-plus years (I'm not including working at the dry cleaners from ages 8-15, or pricing at the pet-supply warehouse, not counting serving in the cafeteria at Northeastern or working in the Registrar's Office at Finch); after a number of apartments, single and shared, a six-year relationship, a 29-year marriage, a townhouse that almost foreclosed, a big house, two lovely children boy-girl twins; now after all that I'm again seeking direction.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Direction is a funny thing because there's no one "right" direction in life. For any place you want to go, there are oh-so-many ways of getting there. Will you walk? bike? or drive? Do you go the fastest way or take the most scenic route like my friend Nancy who bobs and weaves this way and that, avoiding the main roads, even highways if she can. Unlike me, she goes the "back roads" while I</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">well I just want to get there quick as I can.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Part of the difficulty now is just deciding direction. My first choice of direction was to leave our town and live in New York</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 16px;">return to the hustle and bustle of of city streets teeming with people, alive with music and plays and magnificent art and always, always, always, the possibility of human </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">connection. I have had great moments of "<b><a href="http://talesfromdenisejames.blogspot.com/2015/03/a-micro-moment-of-positivity-resonance.html" target="_blank">positivity resonance</a></b>" with men, women, and children here in the Big Apple. People like me/unlike me, close in age/decades away, of similar persuasions/of radically different views. These connections rarely seemed to happen in the town where we raised our family because we lived in cars to and from the same places. And we didn't have many couple friends.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Most couples attach to other couples and do things together. They go to concerts or movies, camp, play cards, take vacations together. I think these couples usually meet through their young children</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">but that didn't happen for us. We moved to teach in a small school where most of our colleagues were far younger and single and transitory</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">each around for a few years and then on to the next career phase in another part of the country or the world. Our friends are in Iowa and Santiago, Chile or elsewhere but not so many here.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Now it seems that the dream of New York may be a dead end and my direction points me back to North Carolina where I've spent the past 24 years. In a way, and surprisingly, that's beginning to excite me. There are new things for me to focus on. We're selling the house and emptying out 35 years of objects and memories. Every Monday night I'm free-form dancing with about 25 other people for 90 minutes and NO talking! I'm back to volunteering for the two non-profits that I support.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Maybe the time has come to procrastinate</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms";">to start doodling and see where those arrows take me.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm8QvhBx9hLcfSIL03wOc1pLEJxqtvBIGYqp8kujSc0wKWZxvpRJHkUfA4xvI3BWG2fLuALSYnPGCr1Roo19xHlOKQ23974wsYAwwwIg3rLXx1quipSXtUctDdVNwG1j-VuAH81x2wlnA0/s1600/IMG_4695.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm8QvhBx9hLcfSIL03wOc1pLEJxqtvBIGYqp8kujSc0wKWZxvpRJHkUfA4xvI3BWG2fLuALSYnPGCr1Roo19xHlOKQ23974wsYAwwwIg3rLXx1quipSXtUctDdVNwG1j-VuAH81x2wlnA0/s400/IMG_4695.jpg" width="300" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>For the past few months, I've been in a women's writing group that meets weekly at a neighborhood senior center. I am by far the youngest of the seniors but they're a real bunch of characters, all with interesting thoughts to write. We spend about 20-30 minutes writing and then we each read aloud and share our piece, followed by comments. Before we begin, the table is strewn with pages of images torn from magazines (brought by our writer-facilitator Rosalie) to help prompt one to write if needed. </i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>This is the image I saw that prompted me to write this post. </i></span></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-9425946852044631232016-02-28T01:00:00.001-05:002016-02-28T01:00:53.083-05:00I Remember Me<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1G9L9j-ZM6RgXav22gmYsdGUxCPKIAjn3mV-YaHYMORNb-yF3e9jDpSvztuUwbs3XTD1XO0Sgw_j-5klLHAniyLpvjX41obWUqyJ7iDexrnrjBsmsofym4vZphAqWX52PNUFTwcFqTIjg/s1600/smocked+dress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1G9L9j-ZM6RgXav22gmYsdGUxCPKIAjn3mV-YaHYMORNb-yF3e9jDpSvztuUwbs3XTD1XO0Sgw_j-5klLHAniyLpvjX41obWUqyJ7iDexrnrjBsmsofym4vZphAqWX52PNUFTwcFqTIjg/s320/smocked+dress.jpg" width="228" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>In my writing group sometimes the prompt is an image. I choose a black-and-white photo t</i></span><i style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;">aken with an iPhone 6s </i><i style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;">of a very sweet freckle-faced young girl. This is what I wrote...</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I remember pastel-pretty smocked dresses of lavender and blue </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> and black patent leather Mary Janes, sitting at a child-sized table </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW0lrM7Fww7M4-Fn1GFj7hKsKqShcd-V-PDNSEgdkJjibTr2T4Xh0CAd7RH-08UyKZ0XmYMfBJtbXnMfEQ5bPWWjwWARQbeR-eww4lE2lBbbNnDUXu-QyXGcGNT4m5EkOZD5PDnED3k_JY/s1600/shoes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW0lrM7Fww7M4-Fn1GFj7hKsKqShcd-V-PDNSEgdkJjibTr2T4Xh0CAd7RH-08UyKZ0XmYMfBJtbXnMfEQ5bPWWjwWARQbeR-eww4lE2lBbbNnDUXu-QyXGcGNT4m5EkOZD5PDnED3k_JY/s1600/shoes.jpg" /></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb4rHAR-CWCX8gWWDuSWXiSZgAmK1l1ye2u_R_ymqWFeDl_vP8CxGQcbx9es3vVzaaUmM7kIdBnkymTLi1331xko6y8KZS204GPvRQQlR3qjWofGi_iIChP2V4bEr3fUB7z6HmKLdXcLmL/s1600/tea+set.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb4rHAR-CWCX8gWWDuSWXiSZgAmK1l1ye2u_R_ymqWFeDl_vP8CxGQcbx9es3vVzaaUmM7kIdBnkymTLi1331xko6y8KZS204GPvRQQlR3qjWofGi_iIChP2V4bEr3fUB7z6HmKLdXcLmL/s400/tea+set.jpg" width="400" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">with a dainty tea party, </span><span style="font-family: '"trebuchet ms"', sans-serif;">set</span><span style="font-family: '"trebuchet ms"', sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;">with delicate white china </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">decorated with pink flowers and green stems and </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNqBIqbHKxYp-SG5Dd8SAYhQKMIxepM7wDDl6-VbgeOj9tLLsWSPUCUlnd2PK0_UaPdIre2h8KM2gaCtPG4ovxsmMiUJoXkyBwcAnF4JEO_koYBF6RiTghOfhzkQxuCO7XlxyJrrAb0Ax1/s1600/petis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNqBIqbHKxYp-SG5Dd8SAYhQKMIxepM7wDDl6-VbgeOj9tLLsWSPUCUlnd2PK0_UaPdIre2h8KM2gaCtPG4ovxsmMiUJoXkyBwcAnF4JEO_koYBF6RiTghOfhzkQxuCO7XlxyJrrAb0Ax1/s1600/petis.jpg" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMyzu_ySFjKQQTqz0VkWW_p-oQMuzpzyg_BGSIV4J2kbkQR8S9zzaml8iJlUARf2NpNLvkYdE9sAD_AKKQvcVoG9BPcNVFCQjPuiLfbHJGYPaUqwKI305_swwpYpSs-1tH_RcfuJXJNWPg/s1600/cucumber.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMyzu_ySFjKQQTqz0VkWW_p-oQMuzpzyg_BGSIV4J2kbkQR8S9zzaml8iJlUARf2NpNLvkYdE9sAD_AKKQvcVoG9BPcNVFCQjPuiLfbHJGYPaUqwKI305_swwpYpSs-1tH_RcfuJXJNWPg/s1600/cucumber.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">lovely, lovely, triangle-shaped crustless cucumber sandwiches with their cool crunch and tiny luscious chocolate petis fours and ornate silver spoons and large folded cloth napkins gracing our laps...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I wish, wish, wish that little girl</span><span style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;"> at that table </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> at that tea party </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> with all those beautiful things </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> had been me.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-41205478615505384812016-02-17T12:11:00.001-05:002016-02-17T12:11:55.001-05:00The Year of the Monkey<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I don't know what the monkey signifies in Chinese astrology. In my family, the three of them are snakes and I'm a dragon. I don't know anything about snakes and what I knew about dragons I'd forgotten, except that I wrote about being a dragon in a post, </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://talesfromdenisejames.blogspot.com/2012/03/newest-baby-dragon.html" style="color: #38761d; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">The Newest Baby Dragon</a>. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnj_YPdVUCEwoT4dsyso5DOH-zBzeAcEa-XWXkqAW2hgtNAosARSPJLif3-lHiGrM9Zg0q2A65DxRmPcHtc-5e3H7FHhtkImHQGFAcowDraMIuOLFLVO_zssWC_U86lDL1Qx-vTkyAqkCG/s1600/circus-monkey-file-format-eps-32596106.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnj_YPdVUCEwoT4dsyso5DOH-zBzeAcEa-XWXkqAW2hgtNAosARSPJLif3-lHiGrM9Zg0q2A65DxRmPcHtc-5e3H7FHhtkImHQGFAcowDraMIuOLFLVO_zssWC_U86lDL1Qx-vTkyAqkCG/s320/circus-monkey-file-format-eps-32596106.jpg" width="299" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This is not the original image but its spirit is similar to that of my tin.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">For me the monkey conjures up an image of impishness and always has. My first year in college I went to Harvard Square and shopped in a very fanciful 70s store called Truc (was it underground?) and somewhat uncharacteristically but actually characteristic of my urge to buy things for my "someday-children," I purchased a colorful metal tin similar in size to a cigar box except square. The circus image on its cover starred a smiling monkey on a unicycle center-ring. This monkey made me smile and being a student of Sociology 101, I decided to flash that tin at the unsuspecting riders on the T (Boston's transit system) to see how they wold react. Nine times out of ten that monkey would elicit a simple smile or a big grin. Only occasionally would the person frown or look away in annoyance.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Another impish monkey </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I think of is the one in</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heidi </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">the organ grinder's monkey </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">who delights Shirley Temple by leaping in through the open window, swinging from the chandelier, and wreaking havoc on Frau </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Rottenmeyer. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">That monkey made me laugh</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> with his mischievous ways.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_ITytJD-GH66K_goCszuYcTIwtqwOWO5vGUuJDZSTVOV-km66ZYvFiF0gYby9O8TmKqxjfAiI3_8G-nRG6y-SxW7WpcQT7SPIkHCTGk-wkYTjJPMmEAwPkhWUKTqZMOe2JcLm9GiRuS9I/s1600/IMG_4621.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_ITytJD-GH66K_goCszuYcTIwtqwOWO5vGUuJDZSTVOV-km66ZYvFiF0gYby9O8TmKqxjfAiI3_8G-nRG6y-SxW7WpcQT7SPIkHCTGk-wkYTjJPMmEAwPkhWUKTqZMOe2JcLm9GiRuS9I/s400/IMG_4621.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This bag is from Bloomingdale's in New York...</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I fear that somehow Bernie Sanders is a monkey in the minds of the </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">electorate. He appears impish enough with his straight-talking, spit-in-your-eye Bernie-truths about the ways things need to change. (Single-payer healthcare! Free college!) And just like that organ grinder's monkey running amok, Sanders keeps upsetting those proverbial apple carts.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Then we've got Trump posturing, postulating, pontificating and preening</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">the epitome of monkey business.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And there's Ted Cruz</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">monkeying around with his position on immigration and even Donald Trump.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I guess no matter which side of the fence you're on, seems as if this truly is the Year of the Monkey...</span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-73562783877506370062016-02-07T00:01:00.001-05:002016-02-07T00:01:27.521-05:00A River of Words<div style="text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihOF95sajC4r_y2OAOKylOhATeWM3Bz1CnLfQ75pyOLCrYFszoXOiXQZANIK5-bfr9Dx6gzOdC-vlybAiH0BtmyDviFa3VD7qWYMU3a_LiYzi3x3zW7m8-D7xMPgBZiL1siVk6hpYgyyMZ/s1600/IMG_0118.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="516" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihOF95sajC4r_y2OAOKylOhATeWM3Bz1CnLfQ75pyOLCrYFszoXOiXQZANIK5-bfr9Dx6gzOdC-vlybAiH0BtmyDviFa3VD7qWYMU3a_LiYzi3x3zW7m8-D7xMPgBZiL1siVk6hpYgyyMZ/s640/IMG_0118.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">When I'm writing</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It feels like a stream. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">A stream of words</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">pouring out of me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">that create a river </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">that</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">flows and surges</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">and carries my thoughts</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">of times past,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">regrets not addressed,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">and sorrows lost.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes it feels good</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">washing me clean</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">and other times</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">the muddy rush of debris</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">and mistakes</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">and missteps</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">drowns me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">february 5, 2016</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em;"><tbody>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is a special-to-me thrift-store watercolor I bought signed Ellie Reiner, 1952. It certainly seems to be Central Park in New York. For a time I thought it might be done by Rob Reiner's mom, but I checked it out </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(via email) </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">with Rob's son and it seems not. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You're not seeing its simple, rounded, thick but elegant, gold wood frame because </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I needed to crop the image</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-63899239717380792312016-02-05T12:21:00.000-05:002016-02-05T12:21:29.226-05:00NOT MATCHED by match.com<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>For the purposes of this post, all names have been altered to spare anyone embarrassment...except for ME.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms'; font-size: 15.8400001525879px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22.1760005950928px;">---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</i><i><br /></i></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<a href="http://11284-presscdn-0-40.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/match-logo.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://11284-presscdn-0-40.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/match-logo.png" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Thinking it was finally time to start seeking male companionship I thought, "Why not try match.com?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I already knew three people</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">all </span><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;">slightly older than I am </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and all</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">people I liked</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">who found five, yes FIVE, successful, happy marriages </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">between them</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">C</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">learly this was an indication that through match.com it </span><i style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;">was</i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> possible to find true love.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">this is important</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">there was a free 7-day trial. What was there to lose?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My sanity for one.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Not to mention time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">First, you answer a series of questions that categorize you and the person you're looking for</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> in the broadest of terms: physical characteristics, age range, hobbies, likes, religious and social habits. Fair enough.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Next, you write a profile...how much or how little is up to you. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I simply said I was looking for someone to share a meal, movie or museum visit with</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px;">I</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">wrote next to nothing because I just didn't know what I wanted to say. And yet soon my inbox was filling with all sorts of unknown and </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">difficult-to decipher </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">communications. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There's </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">a "</span><span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>wink</b></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">" </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> a "</span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>like</b></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">" </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> a "</span><span style="color: #bf9000; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b>chat</b></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">" </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> possibly leading to ...</span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> an </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large; font-weight: bold;">email</span>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">At first, it seemed novel and fascinating...guys were reaching out to me, wanting to contact me, liked me! Each communication </span><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;">I opened</span><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;"> was a new possibility</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">, an opening in the closed universe I'd been living in this past year. I </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">clicked on the link to view their profile, </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">looked at their photo (if there was one), and then read how they described themselves and what they said they were looking for in a woman.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Some wrote gushingly; others forthrightly, </span><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;">some</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> with humor. Some put next to no effort; everyone was looking for the love of their life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Often when I'd click on someone who really looked promising, I'd get:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h4 style="color: #4f4f4f; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 26px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
The profile you're looking for is not available at this time.</h4>
<h5 style="color: #098ab8; font-family: georgia, arial, helvetica, serif; font-size: 36px; font-style: italic; font-weight: normal; line-height: 39px; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px;">
Instead take a look at these.</h5>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It made no sense. Where were they? Why weren't they available to see? </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />And then there were the ones I was able to see. Well, they were time-consuming.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />I'd read through and be interested but then</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">then I'd see that the guy was in his 30s or 40s or be living in Miami, Baylor, Texas, San Diego, even Nashua, New Hampshire or Butte, Montana! What the F**K? Why would anyone be trying to date someone that lived states away? MY profile I said I was looking for someone within 20 miles of New York City...how was this filter not working?</span><br />
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It took me three days to figure out that </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I wasn't actually seeing my "mutual matches." To see the guys who fit what I was looking for, I had to go to Search Mutual Matches...and then a whole crop of pics and profiles popped up. And it took me that long to figure out that there were people who were just looking for an electronic pen pal. Someone to add a little vicarious excitement to one's life and "chatting" through match was a way to do this. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">Love2loveU</span> thought I wrote "a lovely profile that makes me want to get to know you" and <span style="color: #6aa84f;">worldtraveller</span> "enjoyed my profile and thinks "we could meet for coffee and start a conversation ..I'm looking for a serious relationship, but leave me a text and I will send you one." Or <span style="color: #f1c232;">TruthfulOne</span> who emailed "I wanted so much to meet you from your profile and pic. You have this intriguing and intense look about you that I love it. I would enjoy talking with you... " and more and more and more. But their emails often seemed as intense as a therapy session. Way too much information for an opening salvo and far too revealing for my sensibilities. It just seemed insincere and uncomfortable.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I went through those mutual matches but anyone who said they played <span style="color: #a64d79;">basketball five times a week</span>, or put <span style="color: #38761d;">camping and hiking</span> first on their list of interests or said they were "<span style="color: #134f5c;">God-fearing</span>" or "<span style="color: red;">NEVER</span>" drank, well these were clearly not the best matches for me.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If they were looking for "<span style="color: magenta;">athletic and toned</span>," not me.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If they were looking for someone who wanted to settle down for <span style="color: #674ea7;">prolonged kisses and a life together</span>, well, that just wasn't me at this moment.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Eventually, after days and hours of sorting, reading, deleting, replying, "You look nice but you're too far away...good luck in the search!", I got down to three men that looked good to me, sounded nice, had similar interests and were in New York City. [Or so I thought.]</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I decided to email a message expressing interest. And they each replied.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">All looking for true love, a "one-man woman," someone who wouldn't break their hearts.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">One was in Shanghai on extended business.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2tXO-bfF4qdSC5X6ncN_RAj8BsNV88RpBeTC5BEbUMMCxsNmPKA21Goa3PgV4kkwL57V-OeUmtYHKT2avE192rr60cu0M0xq02Fl2lVgb3TG52hIf5vTm3NkuQqiABkkY1uI7bQsHC5yp/s1600/globe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2tXO-bfF4qdSC5X6ncN_RAj8BsNV88RpBeTC5BEbUMMCxsNmPKA21Goa3PgV4kkwL57V-OeUmtYHKT2avE192rr60cu0M0xq02Fl2lVgb3TG52hIf5vTm3NkuQqiABkkY1uI7bQsHC5yp/s1600/globe.jpg" /></a></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The next was in Brazil.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The last was deployed in Iraq handling bombs and ammunition, not due back until end of March. (Or was he? Turns out there's a huge scam of men claiming to be in the military but simply wanting some electronic entertainment from the wife, and saying you're in the military gets you a free pass from any one-on-one involvement.)</span></div>
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It left me totally, totally, TOTALLY confused and disappointed. I just want to sit across from another human being at a Starbucks and talk. Is that so impossible?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">How are people successful at this? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What am I <i><b>NOT</b></i> getting?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">On day seven, I was relieved to quit the whole thing and give up on the online version of the dating game. The thought of trying eHarmony or OurTime made me squirm.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Time to go back to the old-fashioned way.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Tried going in to a neighborhood bar by myself for a glass of wine, just hoping to meet some other singles to talk to but couldn't do it. I just stood outside the door looking in or walked back and forth thinking I'd propel myself inside, but d</span><span style="font-family: "\22 trebuchet ms\22 " , sans-serif;">idn't have the nerve to go in...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Know someone you want to introduce me to?? </span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-55707697390147833302015-12-24T17:59:00.004-05:002015-12-25T09:57:59.721-05:00This Year's Tree<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For those of you who wanted to see this year's tree...I am happy to give you a glimpse...</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLbszECRZsUUCtHS_STNvym9PCa_mCvb2Rm9_KolQSXYTddJ2wMn6Mtwe9Kn-PfIsrEV_Jc6wlCGAUxZTusUdk-ZJJk8JcG0XjH74yzKDtOx_L-lj0k49F0jyONBcxHkv0mPmxJOhHGSbV/s1600/IMG_4551.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLbszECRZsUUCtHS_STNvym9PCa_mCvb2Rm9_KolQSXYTddJ2wMn6Mtwe9Kn-PfIsrEV_Jc6wlCGAUxZTusUdk-ZJJk8JcG0XjH74yzKDtOx_L-lj0k49F0jyONBcxHkv0mPmxJOhHGSbV/s640/IMG_4551.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhne9f0wJuD0cSCy4JWVsQYalhq_Il40cFgMa7cHX16A6TBLI1Fewxcp5ya8tetxDN8SHGOSQLGjQwovLlzJRgAPMwpfOeV36B3uI5utlp-h7R2IRQhFBCxh0A0ZXUzY5T85Fk53SxP9EJN/s1600/IMG_4552.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhne9f0wJuD0cSCy4JWVsQYalhq_Il40cFgMa7cHX16A6TBLI1Fewxcp5ya8tetxDN8SHGOSQLGjQwovLlzJRgAPMwpfOeV36B3uI5utlp-h7R2IRQhFBCxh0A0ZXUzY5T85Fk53SxP9EJN/s640/IMG_4552.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My flying Dutchman, a lovely metal crescent moon with cupid from my college roommate Julie, a yellow taxi cab complete with wreath from Lauren, and in the upper right (not a good shot!) a laser-cut scene of Iowa from dear friends Nicole & Aaron. The purple sparkly beaded ball I think was from Louise...that little elf I found for 10 cents in a thrift store of course!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5xffjFZflgMsxEe4y6jjAtGIgmYc_QZjsVXP3UfsEZr7fQt30Brs0QHjZMqtw6pAIQ9q9M21TVHhc-96UuD6SUFbErRoICqvA59nHWEnN3fAgwc9m7Ivu7J6Eff8cJS4zGoVYUK9SKTno/s1600/IMG_4553.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5xffjFZflgMsxEe4y6jjAtGIgmYc_QZjsVXP3UfsEZr7fQt30Brs0QHjZMqtw6pAIQ9q9M21TVHhc-96UuD6SUFbErRoICqvA59nHWEnN3fAgwc9m7Ivu7J6Eff8cJS4zGoVYUK9SKTno/s640/IMG_4553.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is that wonderful doggie with the halo, that darling cut-out doll girl from Shirley (and it has two companions) and a button boy (truncated head in this shot) from Maria & Dan who host a fabulous Italian-inspired Christmas Eve every year!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9bFZUp7YriVghOCyE0MZ044fdQY8wMmZ_IhGybhyDhug84VMZHMFpoT8WzyEy7mNrc2l4GDyS58vWvEYnd1xIuHd_TdAnD8YXPqmvw2prx6Za4RUinYI__y71XY-4w4M6K184QqQ0BSjK/s1600/IMG_4554.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9bFZUp7YriVghOCyE0MZ044fdQY8wMmZ_IhGybhyDhug84VMZHMFpoT8WzyEy7mNrc2l4GDyS58vWvEYnd1xIuHd_TdAnD8YXPqmvw2prx6Za4RUinYI__y71XY-4w4M6K184QqQ0BSjK/s640/IMG_4554.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The metal boy with the suspenders crossing his back was from Robin very early in our relationship, the birdhouse from good friend Susan here at home, my little tiger from Pottery Barn Outlet decades ago on West 26th St., that fabulous Gramma with her basket (which actually has a teeny, tiny pair of red plastic scissors that actually open and close but I hide them because I'm worried they'll get lost in the shuffle), that teddy with the 2 was from my mother-in-law when we found out we were expecting twins but they hadn't come in to being yet, and that beautiful blown glass swirl was again from lovely Lauren.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifoQK5UtvBMdBKjFCqoVCwML9OUusakyBGIKwEbL8oMui-6Serd-c4sUoiebFyq3DBnOJ2HSEKIyXTFi6GU5qhgtIsIL7aaHAV-LLDkXFBivcTsIdSfjUzMGJZo9mUWlaEPfXK9HH7UA3n/s1600/IMG_4555.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifoQK5UtvBMdBKjFCqoVCwML9OUusakyBGIKwEbL8oMui-6Serd-c4sUoiebFyq3DBnOJ2HSEKIyXTFi6GU5qhgtIsIL7aaHAV-LLDkXFBivcTsIdSfjUzMGJZo9mUWlaEPfXK9HH7UA3n/s640/IMG_4555.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well the reindeer, thrift store, the Santa with lantern, thrift store. The desk a great teacher-present and the gingerbread wreath with the boy and girl, again, from our favorite Auntie Barbara to celebrate when we were expecting the twins.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn65fuR3M0Dt4P2oVuHvOGrtX2gDu30b1SJZDUNQkxzlFiO6IZchsKWTeI8rXHfCGJRLAF7FkwqIKYhVjLtQFvnSgf20T4ftwlOu-xTxiLoJHd6pn93MMphfCWvwuRdoGOXVlh-Eflb__O/s1600/IMG_4556.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn65fuR3M0Dt4P2oVuHvOGrtX2gDu30b1SJZDUNQkxzlFiO6IZchsKWTeI8rXHfCGJRLAF7FkwqIKYhVjLtQFvnSgf20T4ftwlOu-xTxiLoJHd6pn93MMphfCWvwuRdoGOXVlh-Eflb__O/s640/IMG_4556.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well the last of the shots (but by no means anywhere near the last of the ornaments!) my darling pull-toy jester whose legs and arms slide up and down, a gorgeous purple crescent moon (I have so many moons) the Hungarian slipper that I think was from my mom, and the wrapped presents from the Metropolitan Museum of Art and there are round hatbox ones too!<br /><br />MERRY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!<br /><br />Thank you one and all for your love, your support and your wisdom....</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7538899393793458584.post-70797198334310995042015-12-03T23:14:00.001-05:002015-12-09T11:03:12.600-05:00Can I Make My Inner Child Happy?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">From the time I was in second grade </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I lived disappointed</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"> P</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">eople around me seemed to be
living the Father-Knows-Best life but in </span><i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">our</i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">
household </span><i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><b><a href="http://talesfromdenisejames.blogspot.com/2011/12/father-didnt-know-best_11.html" target="_blank">Father Didn’t Know Best</a></b>. S</i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">ome classmates’ had </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">homes with</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"> tall glasses of cold milk and scalloped china plates piled with still-warm-from-the-oven cookies on </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">the
kitchen table. Our house was dark and scary and mostly devoid of parents.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">And when they
were home m</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">y father’s
temper could erupt at any moment, (usually did) resulting in every
hollow-core door upstairs having the impression of a fist or a foot through it.</span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMyB9bSSOF7c6sem__CtoHihP24fo82dQtaM3BoWtLK5eW5cjG4f6nm8CpdI7yiT969ASj8J_B2Jjb3L-nfSAYjK8xzTQXOjlHbw_mTn04HJUf2hbLxNoGyf8c5vTrevkan7j1MCYHngeV/s1600/worry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMyB9bSSOF7c6sem__CtoHihP24fo82dQtaM3BoWtLK5eW5cjG4f6nm8CpdI7yiT969ASj8J_B2Jjb3L-nfSAYjK8xzTQXOjlHbw_mTn04HJUf2hbLxNoGyf8c5vTrevkan7j1MCYHngeV/s1600/worry.jpg" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Never woke up
feeling as if every day was a bright new beginning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Didn’t feel as if things were more positive
than negative on balance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Always lived
in some state of worry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Worry about my explosive
father and my too-hard-working mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Worry about my in-and-out-of-the criminal justice system brother, worry
about money. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lack of happiness caused me
to leave my original family as soon as I could. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I prayed and dreamed and wished for the Prince-Charming-rescue.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">It never came.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Decades later I left a 17-year place of
employment, a loving relationship of more than thirty years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> The unhappiness was crushing. </span>While I’d been happy over the course of those
decades, I never <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">lived</i> happy. There was always WORRY. worry
about the kids, worry about my weight, worry about hanging on to our jobs,
worry about raising the kids and raising them well. Why was happiness so
elusive?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I felt I’d lived my
life doing flips and somersaults and one trick after another to get someone’s
attention, to make me valuable to those around me, to be perceived as
lovable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was always looking for the
fulfillment and the happiness and the joy to come from outside me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I needed someone or something to give it to
me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">In my youth I wowed’em
with my cuteness, in elementary school my writing, and then In high school with
my pep and energy and smarts. In my 20s it was seduction and sex, in my 30s it
was my strategic thinking, knowledge and ability to fit in pretty much
anywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Thrift-store
shopping gave me a modicum of happiness for many years, finding and collecting
things of beauty that gave me pleasure to display. All my things, my fabulous
finds, garnered me praise for how I displayed my eclectic finds or how little I
spent and how valuable they were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
over time that pleasure faded away and wasn’t enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">Caregiving had become another means of gathering love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d give and give and give of myself in the
hopes that it would give back to me, fill me up. And for a time it did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then over time caregiving turned in to caretaking
and all that giving depleted me. It felt as if my wrists were embedded with small
spigots that were always turned on full force and my life force was streaming
out of me all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The giving was leaving
me empty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">Leaving my marriage put a stop to all that output.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">What </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica"; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">will take its
place?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">For oh-so-long my
focus was on what I wasn’t getting, what my family, my husband, my job, or my
friends weren’t giving me and now, well, having lived the past nine months on a
logistical and emotional roller coaster, I find myself facing new truths.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In all that unhappiness what was my role?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Like tectonic
plates shifting beneath my surface I’m going through what feels like seismic
change. The ensuing tidal waves, volcanic eruptions, and deep chasms seem as if
I’m in a dark and frightening abyss where I have no foundation, no anchor, no
port in this storm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">All this upheaval
is leading to new surfaces, new peaks, new valleys to explore and consider giving me an opportunity to view my world through a different lens.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">That inner little girl grew up knowing she was damaged goods and no
amount of razzle-dazzle is gonna fill that big black hole inside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">Time for a different approach.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">So in the spirit of filling my own happiness, I ‘m working on some
new tracks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m listening to music,
music, music.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Music that makes me want to
sing out loud, music that makes me wanna jump up and dance, music that makes me
cry and cry and cry. As my friend Judie says, “Crying is underrated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s good to cry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve got something to cry about.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I’m letting myself cry but trying not to
fall apart at the seams.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">The other night I pushed myself out of my little box and got dressed
and went alone to a local business holiday party open house and though I
dreaded walking in by myself I made my way out to the tented courtyard where I
could hear great music playing. All I wanted to do was dance and I just decided
that if I wanted to dance, well maybe I could.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">Now, let’s be clear: no one else was dancing yet. But I went up
front by the band in a corner and as they channeled Stevie Wonder I just let
myself move to the great saxophone playing and my face became one big smile.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">I had a great time, saw some couples I knew well and not-so-well; managed to survive the evening without drinking myself into oblivion or picking up that guy
who was eyeing me most of the night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">Recently I ventured out again and went to a “wave” "ecstatic dance" session (or at least I think that's what I was at) where for 90 minutes twenty+ people spent the time </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica";">dancing freely and passionately</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica";">with NO talking allowed!</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica";"> </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica";">NO talking the entire time! All communication was non-verbal. </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica";">It was an experience of</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica";"> sheer joy</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica";">dancing, moving, connecting to some great dancers</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica";">with no judgement and no expectations.</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica";"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCd8yKo9W09CH2OEHoDShwZEj4QNF8hgjcyKrpBHBk1Gkoe47Ac6F1Rcfs7LgRNwJ9UMcCpJrVY63kfGmxlpK2XV7E-U7Qqe1Y3crXMfbAmVzZHPOKLHr8BYF17j_G_CDlNcnjqID-kCIt/s1600/IMG_1759.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="314" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCd8yKo9W09CH2OEHoDShwZEj4QNF8hgjcyKrpBHBk1Gkoe47Ac6F1Rcfs7LgRNwJ9UMcCpJrVY63kfGmxlpK2XV7E-U7Qqe1Y3crXMfbAmVzZHPOKLHr8BYF17j_G_CDlNcnjqID-kCIt/s320/IMG_1759.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica"; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">I may not be able yet to fix that little girl, to make her feel
she’s not damaged goods, to reassure her that she is entitled to feel happy, to fill that black hole that seems impossible to fill...but I am working toward
making me feel happiness, practicing being happy, and right now</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"> my </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica";">joy comes from dancing.</span></div>
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