Sunday, June 23, 2013

Confronting Happiness

I guess what's going on with me is about confronting happiness.  Even saying it that way — "confronting" — speaks to the battle going on inside.  In my experience, whenever something good was happening, something bad came along to take it away.  It was a lengthy, sad road of now-it's-here-now-it's-gone — for as long as I can remember.  It happened to my cousin Linda, it happened to my sister, Donna, and it happened to my sister-in-law, Robin.  So my instinct is not to let me be happy cause, soon after, something's gonna take it away. AWAY.

The thing is — shit's gonna happen.  No matter what I do or don't do — bad stuff will happen and I can't stop it or control it. So I have a choice.  I can choose to be happy — or not.

This is a foreign concept for me.

It seemed like the time to take stock.

I have a pretty-damn-good-27-year marriage and a husband who still loves and wants to be with me despite all the flaws and bones of contention.  

We have a son and a daughter who are compassionate, smart, funny, attractive, loving people that we like being around and being with.  

The roof over our heads houses some great contents — we have all that we NEED and loads more that we want.  

I am a really good cook (though NO baker) so the meals are wonderfully satisfying and express my love to those I feed.  

I left my job to embark on the next phase of my career as a consultant doing more of what I am terrific at and enjoy.  

With the time off I'm getting to clean out the attic (well, we're a third of the way) and slowly de-clutter all that is around me.  I'm finding letters from 30+ years ago which allow me to remember the good from the past and reconnect with those who knew me when.

My friend Maria says, I can choose to let my anxieties ruin this day or not.

My friend Maureen says, Finding happiness is about following the signs the universe sends you.

The universe is telling me loud and clear: 

You have done a lot.  You have always tried.  YOU can be HAPPY.

I'm gonna try real hard to listen.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Heart:
    We have all gone through tragedies but we have gone thru it together. You are fortunate to have a back that you can lean on and discuss things with. Some of us are alone, with our thoughts and our sad times, but then there is a call from a granddaughter, or a neice, and somehow everything seems to be better. So, look for those gifts, which we all take for granted but become pillars of support in times that we can't manage on our own. You are so loved and so smart and give the world a lot with your words, so continue to do what you do best, but most of all be happy, if not all of the time but some of the time. xxxooo Aunt Mad