Thursday, November 27, 2014


I've written before about my feelings around Thanksgiving.

This year, I'm going to focus on what I have to be thankful for — and I have a lot to be thankful for.

I am alive.  In relatively good health.

I have a lovely home. (However much work it needs.)  A roof over our heads. Heat in winter. Cooling in summer.

I have two refrigerators and a pantry filled with food.

My children (young adults now) can walk outside and will not be approached, profiled, stopped, arrested, or shot because of the color of their skin.

Whatever my life, whatever my problems, I have so much.

After my last post about regrets,  I heard from many of my friends.  
Some very worried about me. (No need.) 

Some reassuring me. (They too have regrets.) 

Some advising me. (The past is the past.)  

Each sharing their affection and support from their respective places in the world.

One thoughtful friend, even sent me absolution. (She's a minister, so it's legit.)

But I thought long about this shared wisdom from a dear friend…

"Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but you never get anywhere."

That seemed very profound to me. I thought about it and thought about it and I thought about how true that was and I wanted to accept that wisdom and move on — but oh, how I love a rocking chair!  How I just sink into the comfort of that motion. Back and forth, back and forth, and no where to go but be in that swing and sway.  
Back and forth, back and forth.  Maybe I'm comfortable sitting in regret.  

I hope not.

Another wise treasure came from a high school chum…

"Regrets limit us. Nobody gets a chance to go back and fix them so why do we focus on them? We did the best we could. Hopefully, our children can come to appreciate that. Don't beat yourself up...try to let go of shit you can't change."

And so, uncharacteristically, I find myself feeling very good about all the feelings of friendship and warmth and caring that have come my way and I'm trying to be in my present.

This Thanksgiving I made:

  • the organic turkey (with a thyme-rosemary-salt & pepper butter rub, for the first time),
  • my root-vegetables-only, no-flour FABULOUSLY DELICIOUS gravy,
  • sausage stuffing (with mushrooms added in this time with the celery and onions)
  • creamed onions with toasted almonds on top,
  • cranberry-mango sauce
  • and my wonderfully smooth and luscious caramel pumpkin flan with whipped cream...
          and you know what?



(I didn't make the mashed potatoes but with my gravy, they were great, too.) 

AND (This is really pretty amazing...)


Now I know many of you readers out there don't know me, but those that do, KNOW that for me to make a meal that I don't chop into little pieces complaining about the taste, the texture, the color, or any other way I failed to make it right — that's pretty miraculous.

I'd say that's a lot to be thankful for — and believe me I am.

But more than this — thankful, thankful, thankful for ALL OF YOU.


  1. The "rocking chair" is much more than just safe, comfortable, and known. It is an identity. Regardless of the past, it presently keeps the focus on you, as a unique, deeply feeling, needy, artistic soul. And yet, you're simply human. The choice, after years of dissecting previous hurts, is simple... what do you want to identify with now?
    You can't control which thoughts will come into your head next... you can control which ones you attach yourself to in order to keep the "story" going. No one lives as long as we have without regret and trauma. How do we find the courage to keep making the choice to stop rocking back and forth? I hope you can find it my love (a fellow rocking chair addict.)

    1. Well, I just had another episode fraught with regret that I said would "keep me awake for the next 12 years" BUT I'm heeding your advice Anon to not attach to this worry and perhaps allow myself to move on and leave the regret behind. I am grateful for the nudge…and wonder who you are!

  2. I thought of one of my mother's sayings when I read your piece on regret: "Life gives us many chances." I believe this to be true and perhaps especially helpful in dealing with regrets. If we missed something the first time around or feel like we didn't get it right, there's often another opportunity (albeit with new characters in new places) to try again.

    1. Well there's another piece of good advice...I will try to see these things as possibilities for improvements, as opposed to fixed mistakes. Thanks Marge!