This Is Us...Really

USA is showing a THIS IS US marathon and I find myself re-watching and feeling even more than I felt seeing this show the first time. It's got everything you've seen or wished for in a family — a Dad who's a dreamer but shows love; a reluctant mom who clearly does her best but is flawed.  There's sibling rivalry, not fitting in, weight, cancer, success, fame, dying, regret, family — relationships.

I know people don't understand my deep connection to watching TV.  Television is a source for me.  Of company, of information, of sentiment, and vicarious emotion.  When I'm feeling lonely, disconnected, sad, depressed, I find something to watch that will fix that for me.  

It seems frivolous I know.  But there are so many pluses for me watching TV:  It's right here and it's here all the time; I've already paid for it; and between satellite and Netflix and Showtime and HBO, I can usually find something that will give me what I'm seeking.  I don't have to risk that I'll seek something and it won't be gotten.

My friend Susan believes it's better to ask — even if you don't get what you're asking for — than not to ask at all. I don't feel that way.  Yet.  It's too disappointing and too hurtful and too — well — just "too".

But I understand that when you don't ask, you definitely have no chance of getting.

My struggle (well, one of them anyway) is to let go of the outcome.  That's what a therapist tells me.  Let Go of the Outcome.  Let go of resentment and regret.  Let go of expectations.  Let it all go.  I'm trying.

I understand the concept and it makes sense to me, but it's one of those easier said than done.  But I'm trying. And at times, I'm succeeding.  So far my best success — I think — has been with some of my friends and my daughter.  Still a ways to go with the son and the once-husband.

So This Is Us allows me to see a family — across time — struggling and loving and hurting and supporting in ways that virtually never existed in my family.  I get to watch how they do it and I get to momentarily feel the bonds of being with a family.  I hope we managed to live that give-and-take for our kids so that they'll have a better sense of what it means to be in a relationship, to have a family.

That voyeuristic view of family life (whether it's real or not) allows me to experience what I currently lack in my life.  

Right now, luckily, I'm really pretty happy.

I love my little home.  It's filled with everything I absolutely love, arranged just as I like, only used by me and for the first time in I do not know how long (if ever) I'm neat.  Everything is in its place.  I'm no longer sloppy but I'm also not racing and juggling to manage and provide for a family of four.  

It is just me.

What a change.  I'm continually surprised by what can change.  

I had an open house on New Year's Day.  Twenty-six people came, it was wonderful, my daughter was there and saw my new place for the first time, and for the first time EVER, I didn't kill myself to have company!

I didn't have to stress about cleaning up days before everyone came because pretty much everything was already clean.  I didn't go overboard on getting drinks or food and I almost cooked NOTHING.  I had a great time, I was relaxed and I didn't pay for it in a horrible way.  HOORAY!

I miss having a fireplace and of course the companionship of someone next to me, but all in all, I'm enjoying my life at the moment and I feel secure.

So while I may be watching This Is Us — finally, joyfully, amazingly — 
I'm much more intently watching —  This Is Me.

TLC — and I Don't Mean Tender, Loving Care

As I wrote in this blog almost two years ago in Write Your Life —  I had to answer this essay question on a national exam:  “If you had to choose only one object for people to find 100 hundred years from now that would give insight on our society, what would it be?” I said, the TV Guide was a window on our world and it wasn't a very flattering picture. Future generations could read it and know how we frittered our time away on game shows, soap operas, detective stories and more.

This is what I was troubled by and ashamed of in the late 80s. Little did I know what was coming 25 years later — far beyond soap opera — as they say in today's vernacular, "OMG." 

What is it about our culture that devours such awful stuff? The Learning Channel (now TLC) used to be a channel that sought to educate and improve the lives of its viewers.  But it was sold and bought and changed.  Look how far it's strayed. All the way to the other side — 180-degrees — with barely a quarter of its shows offering viewers any saving grace. Still, there must be an audience that watches the junk — over 3 million are glued to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. THREE MILLION.

If you want an overview of how this channel went from positive educational content to prurient pablum, read this article from Business Insider that chronicles the downfall. A far, far fall.

Today TLC boasts on its very own YouTube channel:

TLC is television network dedicated to covering "real life" reality 

and finding fun and beauty in the unexpected!

Along with...

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

I choose another of TLC's finest...

America's Worst Tattoos

So that's what they call it..."finding fun and beauty in the unexpected"...hmmm...

I admit that I like and watch 19 Kids and Counting, Say Yes to the Dress, and have watched (some frequently, some occasionally) What Not To Wear, little people, BIG WORLD, little COUPLE, and Long Island Medium — they each have redeeming value (well, maybe not Say Yes) but represent just a small portion of what TLC offers the viewing public.

For your edification, in my own order, here are those shows that clearly indicate TLC is certainly following the life spectrum in its line-up of "real life" reality ...

[Well, this last one is a saving grace...it's not in the same category as those before.]


After watching all these other "peeping tom" shows that voyeuristically look at what is not best about us, is it any wonder  __________________________________________ ? 

(You fill in the blank.)

My All-Time Favorite Series - Family Life

One of my readers, (thank you Marge) asked if I'd recommend my top ten series and once I got started, well, try as I might to winnow down the list, my top ten grew, I ended up with sixteen — and even that was a sacrifice!  So to spare you all, I'm breaking up my favorites into segments and I hope you'll agree with, watch and enjoy my choices and/or post your favorites in the Comments section and set me straight!
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If you want to see and understand how a good family functions,  Family is the series to watch.    [Unfortunately only two seasons are available on DVD.  Write and complain to Sony Entertainment.] I'm going to tell you more about the series that gave me but let's work our way back to the best...

Felicity (1998–2002)  To be honest — I did not see this series when it first aired — years later I watched it online, really enjoyed it, and have watched it again (and yes, again).  Though I wasn't crazy about her at the time, I do like Keri Russell (love her in The Americans) and I identified with that crazy-in-love feeling that propels one to do things one normally would not do (like follow a guy who hardly knows you across the country to go where he is going to college).  It's this wide-eyed optimism that fuels this series about twenty-somethings just trying to get through college and find their place in life.  Felicity learns a lot about herself, her family, and her newly acquired friends who are goth, gay, enterprising, and at times, disappointing, and damaged.  At the time the show aired, there was a big to-do when actress Keri Russell cut her long flowing mane and showed up to work with really short, cropped, curly hair that sent the show's producers into a spin and probably was responsible for a clause now in every contract that forbids altering your appearance without prior approval of the network.  But in a funny way, just as her character did throughout the series, maybe Keri Russell the actress was struggling to find her identity.

My So-Called Life (1994–1995)  Aaahhh Angela Chase.  Sweet, dyed-her-hair-red-without-telling-her-parents, Angela Chase — played with vulnerability and true teen-angst by a teenage Claire Danes. Stuck in a family of four, Angela doesn’t feel she fits with her parents, grandparents, friends or anywhere and going to high school just makes her plain irritated but Angela is a girl who sticks to her principles and her guns — much to the chagrin of the adults she's annoyed by every day.  Angela's surrounded by a crew of misfits Brian (the nerdy next-door neighbor who's in love with her), Sharon ( her childhood best friend forever that just isn't on the same page any more), Rayanne ( the resident bad girl who appeals to Angela's need to rebel), Rickie (Rayanne's sidekick who wears eye makeup, struggles against the bullies who taunt him for his sexual identity, and at one point ends up homeless) and last but never least, Jordan Catalano — the heartthrob that Angela pines over and manages to snag despite the gulfs (socially, intellectually and economically) that exist between them.  Claire Danes is masterful in Homeland but you owe it to yourself to see her in this early work where — in just 19 episodes — she'll win you over hook, line and sinker.

I, Claudius (1976) This is the blockbuster story of family life — dysfunctional family life among the Romans from 24 BC to 54 AD. Whatever you think of your own family — they will not compare with the absolute insanity of this one (think Caligula).  From Augustus Caesar to Tiberius, to the afore-mentioned Caligula, then to title character Claudius, on through to Nero we see the splendor and the horror of life among the Imperials.  While Rome is being built — legion by legion, territory by territory — the Emperor's family (most especially Augustus' wife Livia) is plotting and scheming and positioning to curry the Emperor's favor and secure more of the wealth that the Roman army is pillaging and sending back to the imperial family.  Club-footed, stuttering Claudius, who is openly scorned by his grandmother Livia, gets a piece of advice to hide his intelligence and to "play the fool" in order to stay alive and that is what he does while recording the history of the devious and dubious goings on in his power-hungry family.  Through I, Claudius, you will learn an incredible amount about life inside the palace and why you should watch what you eat or drink whenever Livia's around...wicked, wicked, wicked.

And the same year we enjoyed Livia's scheming, we were treated to the wholesome life at the Lawrence household in Family (1976–1980).  Directed by Mike Nichols, starring Sada Thompson James Broderick (Matthew’s dad), Meredith Baxter Birney, Gary Frank and Kristy McNichol, this series had it all — the beautiful older sister divorced and messed up who moves back home with her child; the son a middle child who rebelled against college, and the pressures to get a job and be the mirror of his parents; and the youngest (Leticia, known as Buddy) an upstart who sees and understands everything going on even though she’s the youngest and no one pays attention to anything she says (hey, that’s MY role in my own family life).  

This may be my number one pick because — because — it showed a “normal” upper middle class family with a normal-looking mother and a normal-looking father and three kids (actually four but one son died and that plays out in the series), each with their own problems and unique place in the family right down to each parent secretly having their favorite I just loved, loved, loved the way they interacted and got mad (without smashing glasses or punching a fist through a hollow-core door) and made up and laughed — yes, a family that actually laughed and had fun.  They seemed what I imagined "normal" to be — heck, they even lived in Pasadena.  

At the time of this series I was out of college, in Manhattan, trying to make a living, trying to figure out who I was going to be in the world.  After a day of working and drinking, I came home alone at night, turned on the television for company and — one lucky night a week — I got to be comforted just being part of Family.  

My All-Time Favorite Series – Workplace Drama

One of my readers, (thank you Marge) asked if I'd recommend my top ten series and once I got started, well, try as I might to winnow down the list, my top ten grew, I ended up with sixteen — and even that was a sacrifice!  So to spare you all, I'm breaking up my favorites into segments and I hope you'll agree with, watch, and enjoy my choices or if you disagree, post your favorites in the Comments section and set me straight!
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Where's George Clooney??

There are many hospital dramas but this one has it all.  At County General Hospital, our main guy, Dr. Mark Greene is a balding thirty-something who struggles with being a great doctor as well as a good husband, father, human being and, not surprisingly, those roles are continually in conflict. Created by Michael Crichton, long-running ER (1994 - 2009)  gave us George Clooney, Julianna Margulies, Noah Wylie, Maura Tierney, Mehki Phifer, Goran Visnjic, Thandie Newton, Julie Delpy, among a host of fine actors who are still popular— long after ER's fifteen terrific seasons came to an end.  What I liked most about this medical ensemble was the interplay between the crushing demands of their work, the painful crises of their relationships, and the intimacy created by those tensions.

Some of the regulars on Third Watch

I passed over all the police dramas that came before and after to select Third Watch (1999 - 2005) because this series followed police, firefighters, and EMS personnel through their daily drama of saving others while their own lives were spinning out of control.  The cast of characters — Sullivan, Yokas, Boscorelli, Davis, Nieto, Dougherty, Zambrano, and Taylor — seemed to be just real people embroiled in real life at work and at home. There were the good-looking stand-outs (actors Coby Bell, Eddie Cibrian, Bobby Carnevale, Kim Raver) but most of the players were your everyday, ordinary sort of folks you'd see in uniform on any city street corner.  While watching them do heroic work, we also witnessed their alcoholism, regret, sexism, infidelity and all the other flaws that made them (and us) human. [NOTE: I confess I have never seen The Wire...]

The West Wing (1999 - 2006) If ever there was a crazy, fast-paced workplace, this deeply driven and demanding chaotic office inside the White House was it.  I love the West Wing and Aaron Sorkin.  If you haven't already, read both links to find out why.

Mad Men (2007 - )  Though this wasn’t my exact era I can  completely relate to the times, the cerebral chic, and the bustle of working on Madison Avenue.  The office environment n this series was much as it was when I was working at Random House.  People drank like fish and while the execs didn’t have visible bars in their offices (this was the 70s) they did have bottles in their desks or credenzas.  Alcohol was a basic part of your day.  We drank at lunch, we drank after work.  Every day.  And it was all hard liquor — I can’t remember anyone drinking beer or wine.  Scotch was my drink of choice.  There were forays into Bourbon Manhattans, Kamikazes and White Russians (for dessert) but in those days, I always came back to Scotch — Dewar’s on the rocks with a twist at lunch and Johnnie Walker Red anytime after five.  I wonder I lived through it.

In an earlier post I wrote about Mad Men, but I still haven't tired of Don Draper, Peggy Moss, Roger Sterling and all the other deliciously entertaining members of Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Price and luckily there's more to come.  From Slate.com: “Last week, AMC announced that the final season of Mad Men, like that of Breaking Bad before it, will be split in two, with the first seven episodes airing in the spring of 2014 and the final seven one year later.”  Geez.  They sure know how to make you wait.

This is by far the most unusual and interesting workplace we see on series television because it's not an ensemble but almost a one-man show.  Following the Israeli show it's based on, In Treatment (2008 - 2011) takes you on a journey of psychological exploration of why we do what we do — to ourselves and to those we love.  Dr. Paul Weston is a psychiatrist and Monday to Thursday each episode focuses on his session with one of his patients — on Friday Dr. Weston sees his therapist.  As Gabriel Byrne listens and responds day after day, week after week, we see the gaps and traps of each patient's story — the dueling couple, anorexic gymnast, suicidal Navy pilot, troubled teen, aging actress — you name it, Dr. Weston sits and absorbs the fears, lies, and frustrations of his clients — as he fields, feels, and occasionally fumbles his enormous responsibility (as shrink and actor) in this grueling marathon of a show.  Each of the three seasons introduces us to a new cast of four tortured souls as they are aided or abetted by this handsome doc.  For those of you who believe in the importance (and the power) of therapy, this is a voyeuristic view inside our insides.

http://www.fanpop.com/

TV has accustomed us to the anti-hero but in Nurse Jackie (2009 - ) this strong female — nurse, mom, and take-charge coworker — is seriously flawed — addicted to pain meds and working in a place that's conducive to supporting her habit.  Edie Falco is a delight to watch as Jackie bullies her way through the day while caringly and competently serving the patients and staff of All Saints Hospital.  We like Jackie.  She's a no-nonsense gal who's great at her job and focused on her family — except for her preoccupation with her habit and her affair with the hospital pharmacist who keeps her supplied.  Though her life was disintegrating (rehab, divorce, custody fight over the kids) Jackie's now back on track with her sobriety, a quirky team of doctors and nurses (Anna Deavere Smith is divine), and a new cop-boyfriend who really, really, really likes her — flaws and all.  Happy to report, not-your-average-Nurse Jackie's coming back for season six and we'll get to see how her now-drug-free life plays out.  Are you ready to watch?

Next up: My All-Time Favorite Series – Family Life